The Bastard Again

fucker, heathen, sinner
loser, bastard, winner

floating on wings made of luck

how can you not give a fuck?

did the world not bleed enough for you

did the blood not quench your fucking thirst

when the beeline formed to drink the blood of earth

with bloated belly, you were the bloody first

do your eyes still bleed tears or blood

does your mouth taste of coppery mud

does your hunger not fuck up your soul

and still you keep filling that hole

your face is now a bloody mess

for which sins now will you confess

now that things go from bad to worst

will your rotten core not burst?

---

Merry Christmas!

eat the blood

a shit eating grin

a scream 

a tongue 

snaking out

spilling poison words

venomous anonymous

what is real anymore

who murdered truth, justice, love

and other such afflictions

who will deny the answers

when the questions seems to change

transform with the seconds

break up and rearrange

till the broken finger is pointing back 

at you

bone stubs pierce the skin like pine needles

falling down in the endless snow

that covers up the sins that we don't know

in this frozen wasteland

we hurt each other

we bleed each other

we hate each other

we need each other

till my blood is in your mouth

and my mouth is filled with taste of copper

you look at me and smile

with blood in your teeth

---

nightmares about teeth

Angel Wings

teeth turned to embers

tongue turned to ash

thoughts turned to smoke

heart is an empty gash

the monster of flames

woke up sans a brain 

only the command module chittering

with orders obscene

to go find an angel

bring her to this scene

bathed in a beatific light

unaware of the upcoming plight

till the board is ready for her to rest

till her strength will be put to test

the hammer and nail

not ready to fail

toss, turn, flail

but the iron sparks down

whimpering on the board bleeding

eating fire, drinking smoke, pleading

till only a skull remains in the blazing heat

grinning it denies defeat

---

it never gets better, it only gers worse.

still alive

through the fire
through the flames
through the trials
through the games

still standing 

suffering cracks

blue and black

with understanding

crowbarred vision

forced to see

all the things

that could be

but never were

for want of 

one ingredient 

or ten

then the drums start to beat

a lonesome dirge

a howl 

a summon

gravel crunching 

under an arched foot

a gun shot

a whisper

a prayer

a promise from a fool

still alive

whispers

how do i whisper the words of longing

how do i whisper words of love

with a mouth full of ash

with ambers smouldering on my tongue

how do i prepare myself

how do i get ready

for the fall that is visible

after flying long and hard

how do i grit my teeth

how do i hold my breath

till my face is as blue as my heart

till my eyes see supernovas and stars

how do i sift through the sand

how do i wade through this water

that threatens to burn me

that threatens to drown me 

Rain Fire

All that is left now
All left to be
An inferno from the skies
Target: me

This self importance, narcissism 

Waiting for gods to display their ire

Soul divided, this schism

All the pieces, waiting for the fire

If nothing else, it would be

a pleasure to burn

Perhaps smother existence

Into a sliver of nothing

Coronavirus Blues

There will be no vaccine
None

We are all going to get this shit

Even those inside will get hit

It won't be fun

Might as well get this shit over with

While there is still some hope dripping in this heart

While there is still some chance to play the part

In the bigger scheme of things

Because it would fucking suck 

To be hopeless in mind and sick

Cuz this shit will infect everything

From the heart to the dick

Maybe we are all sick already

So fucking sick

Posse

The gang crowds over a table once again

Where this naked body, lies etherized 

Someone complains about the stink

But no one does anything about the rot

They talk of gods and demons

Conversations linger like dragonflies

Over squalid waters on summer noons

Conversations drift like smoke from a dying cigarette

They discuss everything that needs to be done

In next moment, forgetting it all 

They whisper one moment, and then yell

Forgetting the oaths that bind them to each other

Perhaps the world has already ended

Perhaps it's waiting for the death knell

Disinterested, they ask each other's well being

Removed from reality, they lie, all well

blood of the unknown

everything is on the line
while we lie everything is fine
but the water is up the knees now
and the smoke is filling our lungs
but we still manage to speak somehow
whispering in alien tongues
the sharks have smelled the blood

the circle is getting smaller

and we are trapped in each other's arms

alive, yet suffocating

the kiss of life, becomes kiss of death

as we whisper sweet lies

to make the poison palatable

The Bastard

The stink that rises from the city

A souvenir of the world left behind

For no matter where we go, a pity

We fill the sewers in our mind

The grinder in the gut, churning

The pain and discomfort, melt into one

The dumpster fire of thoughts, burning

Shadows dance to eclipse the sun

Waking up wrapped in needles and pins

Covered in the stink of an alien reflection

Black book, black ink, jotting down the sins

Blood, sweat, tears, come all in one

The whispered prayers go unanswered

The fog now covers the ground for miles

The roads forgotten, engine swerved

The bastard in the rear view mirror smiles

----

I left this unwritten for the longest time. I guess every poem needs to gestate. 

comfort

There is no comfort in this darkness

The ghosts have come alive 

The closets spit out rotting skeletons

Thoughts buzz like bees in a hive

This maelstrom of depravity will not subside

It only gets stronger with each moment

Common sense says run and hide

Curiosity says come see the end

The rat keeps gnawing at the rope

The last tether to sanity 

As masks fall away, grinning skulls appear

Hollow eyes leak out vanity

The fall never kills you

You die when you land

If this hole is neverending

What else is left to understand?

----

Have you ever wanted to scream?

burn

petals of a rose 

layers of an onion 

the endless spiral

once blind

now third eye sees

things that should not exist

the fear turns to rage

the heart engine roars

let there be no peace

only the cleansing fire

mother sun

embrace me once more.

we are all the same

little fucking virus

filled with need and greed

seeking comfort and validation

perhaps a fuck or two

a test tube of chemicals

slave to unknown masters

wrapped in chains of

rules and regulations

a decisive division

between thought and action

does one lead to the other

or vice versa

in the end it's all the same

those that slip up, are said as fools

we are all spinning in the same web

tied by threads of different colors

-------------

Are my thoughts really my own or a culmination of everything that has been?

swallow the flood

the water laps my knees 

and everything is fine

i drink away my sorrows

in vodka and wine

the water up to my thighs now

things swim and bite my toes

if I bleed, i do not care

if I can't see, it's not there

the water rises and rises till my belly

the hollow filled with calories and lies

the machine in my gut complains

but I let the water rise

up to my neck in this now

floating, forgetting to swim

the water makes its way inside me

and i let it win.

----

there is no point in writing a poem that would not kill you if it stays unwritten. this one is for the void.

A Post Tooting My Own Horn

This is a post of self-fellation, or tooting my own horn, and as much as I dislike it, some things need to be done. 

There is a book out there. And in the rare case that you have missed it elsewhere, which you might have, I am still going to shove it down your throat here too. Now you might know this space for angry poems that do not make any sense, but I also write stories that do not make any sense. Why, you ask? Because nothing makes sense at all, would be my answer. 

You can read the book on Kindle or buy it and read it in your browser!

Book: https://www.amazon.in/dp/B089Y12X1G/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/53931400-sea-dreams-and-other-mistakes

Broke because of Covid-19 but still like to read stories? Ask for a copy and I shall provide. Now don't ever think that I do not love you. 

That's it. 

I am off to write more poems that do not make sense. 

Leaf in a Storm

twist and turn 

crash and burn

impale the reason 

let the guts churn

doubt and horror

fear and terror

grin and bear it

dead eyes stare

face to face

close enough to kiss

how could we ever

let it come down to this

is the world ending now

will we live through somehow

is the past a part of the present

are we living in the now?

shall we continue to struggle

or should we let it go

will the leaf rise in the storm

or just flow?

----

These are horrible times, but that's alright because we are horrible people.

Rain Fire

Cleanse me, mother sun

I feel so unclean

Won't you let me burn?

Scorch this filth off my skin

Slough this skin off my bones

Won't you rid me of this sin?

In your pure fire, I shall atone

Won't you bathe me in flames

From my head to my toes

If burning is in my final fate

We both know how it goes

Why should we delay

What's going to happen one day

Don't you know that I can't wait

Not anymore

toot

If I don't toot my own horn, who else the fuck will?

2014, when the poems were violent, the rhymes were nicer and the world was not as fucked as it is now. 

What a great time. Gone now. Like mud washed away in a river. 

faith for the faithless

faith is a straw 

for the faithless man

for a man drowning in doubt

silently, for help, he does not shout

gritted teeth that take in water

water that fills up the lungs

going deeper in

wasted away, in the water of sin

dare not show hope

to the drowning man

for that man has given up on his fate

only death can quench the thirst

that all this water could not

bared teeth to the gods that would not listen

dying only to kill again

The Poisoned Pages

He was looking for answers

All he found was trouble

The hammer of truth

Smashed up his bubble

Broke the bones of reason

Common sense and honesty

All that's left in his hands

Is a bible of lies

Every day he tears off and eats

Bitter pages

The ink poisons his blood

Words get stuck in his throat

He swallows and he chokes

When he speaks, he croaks

His gums bleed and his teeth crack

The weight of lies bends his back

But his eyes are open

Probably for the first time

He can see, he can really see

All it took was loss of faith

Now he wants to lose his memories

---

All poetry is simply whining while rhyming

For more information: CLICK HERE

cube love

i twist you and turn you

i flip and reverse you

in my head the movements make sense

to look like something new

the color shift, a rainbow cubed

the axle grinds under the pressure

movements, a torrent of thoughts

faded observations of words and gestures

every action leads to reactions

the chemicals that leak from our heads and hearts

pool around, ready to drown and

continue to break barriers of thoughts

perhaps one day i'll figure you out

but why the fuck would i want to

this self inflicted torture is a guideline

to make me a rubik's cube to you

The Blizzard

The windows of the mind rattle

In a rhythm that's awkwardly obscene

The cold that creeps in through the cracks

Reminder of all that could have been

Frigid winds make it difficult to breathe

A crepuscular gloom covers it all

Shambling shadows that flit and flicker

Insalubrious intentions slowly crawl

Midst of all this a loon cries out

A shrill sound that pierces the sky

It burns through the dark of the night

Wakes up ghosts that begin to cry

The blizzard rages on 

truth will hurt you free

these words are stuck in my teeth
rotting seeds that make my voice stink
still i speak and i speak unsupervised
for nothing at all is ever a surprise
the obsessive mastication is all that is left
to ruminate, regurgitate, redecorate
the house of cards that stands
through storms and plagues alike
the decaying embellishments linger
swaying like scarecrows in barren fields
waiting for someone to come back home
words that wait for vacant mouths

Pendulum Sonata

wrapped in the cold embrace
of someone I used to be
the skin that folds over my bones
is a prison that won't set me free
the mill that's in my belly
will grind these bones to dust
powered by paranoia and doubt
turning my resolve to rust
so i paste my face onto a smile
try to look like someone sane
while i keep wondering,
what is wrong with my brain
then the fog lifts
doubt melts
the man in the mirror
looks like someone else

Black Hole Cockroach

The final cog in the cosmic machine
A fragment of a dream
Discarded and scarred
Beyond any hope of survival
The screw in the gut tightens
Tightens to the breaking point
While the flesh, muscle, tendons scream
A wordless sound from a black hole for a mouth
Conversations scurry like cockroaches
In a kitchen with a sudden inflow of light
When the focus is on the size of the dog
No one wonders about the bite
Delusions float on the surface of this lake
This sordid collections of thoughts and memories
Light up the fire, fan the flames
With broken lies and unbelievable stories
Should have listened to the shaman
Should have heeded the spirits
Should have cared more for which way the wind blew
Should have given a little bit of shit

----------
Lockdown has me slinging words together that make no sense. Or do they?

Relic of Time

should have been a shaman
reading dead bones
dredging out meaning
where there is none
finding meaning in shapes
that are arcane, obscure
spitting out truths
even when not sure
lying with certainty
dying to abhor
twisting the narrative
to suit the untold lore
to drink the poison tales
and still ask for more
should have been a shaman

chainsaw autopsy

dissect the heroes, split them apart
piece by piece, lungs, spleen, brain, heart
rearrange the jigsaw, find a new meaning
a creature new, uber-demeaning
spill out their guts, decorate the dirt
dig bloody fingers in, scoop out the hurt
smear it all in, colored in sin
what was without, is now within
a monster alive, forced to survive
leaking lungs filled, with liquid oxygen
blood that keeps leaking, heart skipping beats
brain misfiring, eyes unfocused
but the hunger in its gut, is fuel

faithless angels

the rules don't apply here anymore
these are the wild lands of our dreams and nightmares
that leak like old sores
and wounds kept alive by fingering them inside out
we are shackled to our vices
writhing like snakes in coitus
dead inside, eyes alive
will anyone ever miss us?
nothing to live or die for anymore
for once the doubts bleed out
for once the clouds clear
end of the world? Sure.
this faithlessness is apathy extreme
watching the numbers rise on the screen
feeling the face stretch out in a grin
as i sip my tea

lock in

how quickly does the pain wash over
leave the broken pieces where they fall
a bleeding wound that keeps dripping
all my complaints are now so small
what do i do with this ball of rage
that burns in my gut like a promise broken
how many days will it take me to age
and forget the echos of whispers spoken
then i also think perhaps i needed this
a brutal wake up call, a fist in the face
i guess we all needed this
this call of the void, the unknown

insignificant

how little do all things matter
the pains, the trials, the daily irks
when the fist of doom batters
on the creaking door of a pillow fortress

the invisible becomes invincible
while we grasp at straws
as the world falls into a bottomless pit
with no way to get out

so where will your gods run to now?
will they suffer with us lesser mortals
which ones will you eat first?
when the flames reach your shores

----
here's hoping we all get through this in not too many pieces.

the wrap

the dogs bark, amplified
does the same applies to my sighs?
when the cover of darkness falls
out of the hiding, thought crawl
every tap of the keys seems
like a nail in the coffin of my desires
i could laugh or i could cry
or just sit and burn in this fire
in the structure of the walls i've created
out of all things loved and hated
somewhere beyond the edge of last sunset
i'm mummified
i'm wrapped tight
by the ghost of the memory
of a look in your eyes

endless scream

the street outside is orange
perhaps it's the streetlight
or maybe the world is on fire
i am fine with both
shut the music in my ears
i need to hear that same old sound
of the endless scream that comes and goes
surrounded by the noise that's all around
eyeballs straining to pop out
while the throat dries up exhaling
till the scream is but a wheeze
that could mean just about anything
perhaps it's just rage
frustration or fear
it could be the horror
the boredom or pain
it could be the question
it could be the answer
and when it all ends
the scream will remain
---------------------------------------------
i scream, you scream, we all scream together

no one lives here anymore.

a window shutter rattles in the wind
deaf walls stand witness to the nothing
that permeates through such places
filled with ghosts without faces
it's always darkness here
in the absence of love or fear
only a silent whine
that moves like a shark
looking for a prey
desolation doesn't even begin to describe
this place where nothing has survived
empty, vacant, void, are only words
that can't fill this vacuum of everything
even death has passed by this place
with a sigh for there is nothing here
only the ticking sands of time
that fall, to bury it all
no one lives here anymore

----
from a dream

empty streets
empty hearts
both as cold
as a shitty kiss
grit my teeth
and hiss
at absolutely fucking nothing
conversations that spiral
from meaning to
background noise
while the TV plays on
incessant chatter
till i no longer know
if it's the TV or a human being
talking to me
my head is in some space
where the angels float
asphyxiated
i count them off
one by one
i wish i could float too
wouldn't that be fun?

-------------
some days, you hunt for the poems. Other days, poems track you down like hungry cheetahs on the Savannah 

of things said in rain

teeth bared, blood flared
rictus spasm, what the fuck do you need?
ramrod straight, filled with hate
arms akimbo, are you ready to bleed?

let's twist the head off this body
the brain does not work anymore
the eyes spark with recognition
for what I am not sure

someone is yelling to dead gods tonight
someone is telling them lies in mortal fright
while the skies piss down on a dying world
a golden shower to soak all flags unfurled

will you soldiers still soldier on
when nothing is left to fight for, anymore
will your leader still suck the marrow
till bone shards bleed their guts tomorrow

----
the pieces don't fit, but maybe they do...

the hunger

a black hole
in the pit of your stomach
and the deep hole where
you imprison your soul
it gnaws like an entity alive
that will tear through the
chains, eat through the walls
that just wants to survive
the hunger does not fuck around
it takes over sane thought
any control is lost
the world is only a blur
till the next target is in
cross-hairs of doom
the hunger will even eat itself
just to get out of this room
-------------
every yawn is a silent scream of the soul

F5

i have known
the endless wait
ears perked
heart beats paused
i have known
the fist in gut
feeling of twisting
thoughts and fears alike
i have known
the heady rush
the mush, the slush
of sighs in the void
i have known
how a whispered name
causes hurricanes
where butterflies sleep

------
The F5 key on my boards looks faded.  

burn

if there is a cinder left of me
by the time this is over
let it be so
it will be a pleasure to burn

if i vanish with the wind
when all is said and done
who cares
it will be fun to disintegrate

if i am one with the earth
a feast for worms
give no fucks
it will be a buffet for days

if i flow in your rivers
and fall like acid rain
on lovers and haters alike
it will be my turn

-----
2020, here we go.