and then, the water

once the songs of wisdom are sung
and the king sleeps with the pawns
the dust settles on the carnage
the curtain falls, the fat lady yawns

once the rats have eaten through
the bitter heart of the beast
the sun has set and we are waiting
a thousand eyes glued to the east

once the stars have done their dance
supernovas dimmed to sparks
and we're left in dark caves
decorating walls with our marks

And then shall come the water, love
to wash it all away
And what a story it would be
to tell another day
--

*chomp*

sins again

my little sins
transgressions
my thoughts
that go where
they should not go
but who, I ask,
who the fuck can
block a thought
that rises like the sun
and falls like rain
from a cloud
of beautiful sin
that is on my head again

and I am drenched
oh, I am drenched
in love

starlight

the stars sing a dirge tonight
trapped as they are in strands of night
a forest of impossibilities
enveloping universes
as comets hurl themselves
through the endless space
of sinful thoughts
that float
in a web of infinities

Everyday

the water dripping from a tap

the clocks ticking in the hall

talking codes to each other

in the jittery alien drawl

there is a song in this silence 

a melody crushed and bruised 

by the repetition ad-infinitum

never heard, yet over used

some talk of angels and mermaids

drowning just to hear their songs

some are stuck in their own heads

sifting rights from the wrongs

there is no pride in acceptance 

of what is and what's meant to be 

for who knows of tomorrow 

or if we'll still be here to see

the churn

after the darkness

when there's no hope for light

when the sun is just a dream

in the eyes of the night

when the pain is a needle

stuck deep in your spine

and the red haze is surreal

to keep you misaligned

when the anger is solid

like a dwarf star dying

and the weight is too much

but you still keep on trying

vapid verisimilitudes

vanishing vanities

vehement vexations

violently vile

and through it all

there is still a smile

the burn

there is a fire
that burns
in the sky
in the heart of man
that forces change
in everything
so through the pain
through the hurt
through the hate
the words we blurt
there is a meaning
in everything
even in cages
some birds sing
in the wild
wolves howl
inside hearts
twisted scowls
the burn is real
only if
you dare to feel

in her shadow

Evening comes

Draped in shadows and regrets

All that could-should-would have been

Melodies heard and heaven seen

When pain becomes anesthesia

Mild discomfort of its presence

Touch and prod to see if it's real

Dissecting memories just to feel

Something

Hold

the whisper is a scream
coming from beyond the dark mountains
a warning, an instruction, an insult
a knell for the arrival of pain

keep it together, the night whispers
while the insects crawl inside my bones
chittering their rebellions, vexing susurrations
while all my defenses are gone

everything is open, all naked
revealed to the elements
the shock to the system
is yet to strike home

in the end at the finish line
bewildered, surprised
how did we make it this far
did we run or did we hide

the taste

rancid bite marks
tattoos of mistakes
swirling in the muddy waters
of past and memories
nostalgia is a bitch
with fangs made of rusted steel
the infection is for the ages
this longing shall not heal
the bitter taste of coal and ashes
can't just spit it out
they will have to rip this jaw out
and this throat, this heart, and lungs
to make this caricature something human
perhaps, mayhaps, there is some hope
no matter how bleak
perhaps, the sun still rises
somewhere in the east
shrouded in the visions of the past
while the future looks on with dead eyes

strife

the cosmos trapped inside me
the world still won't let me be
a ball of rage in my ribcage
shut my mouth and turn the page

swallow the anger, the pain, the fear
till the words blur, fogged up, unclear
it all means nothing, filled with zeros
a world of villains killed all the heroes

in the end it's always you, no one to stand by your side
from the hammer of doom, no place you can hide
it will come, oh, it will come, that's for sure
to destroy everything that's true and pure

till then drown yourself in the drudge of daily life
easy to be distracted in a world full of strife
every small problem is a chance to be occupied
in your head you rip apart every time they lied

The Missing Heart

He woke up one morning
Like every other morning
But the only difference, he felt with a start
No sound of beating came from his heart

He slowly put his feet on the cold floor
Took one breath, and then took some more
Somewhere inside, he wanted to scream
And hope the sound would shatter his dream

But the floor was cold under his feet
He got up and started to brush his teeth
With one hand on his chest, he tried to feel
But the absence of beats was just too real

Filed a leave from the office and drove to the hospital
A doctor prodded his chest and looked a bit ill
"Sir, there is no sound of beat in your chest,
we'll have to open you up, that would be the best."

He didn't really care one way or another,
It was just a mystery he wanted answers to
In a few hours, he was lying etherized on a table
His chest open and doctors peering in the hole

Through a daze, he heard the doctors discuss
How there was no heart pumping blood in his chest
Only a circuit board with diodes blinking
In the haze of the drugs, he started sinking

He woke up again and everything looked so neat
He placed his hand on his chest and through the bandages felt the beat
We fixed your heart, they said, it's beating alright now
They looked sure as cocks, but he was doubtful somehow

Back home, he took a kitchen knife to his chest
It hurt to cut, but he sliced through the meat
The circuit board stared back at him in the mirror
Coupled with a small heartbeat speaker

---
Fuck doctors.

nom

some are touched by greatness
some lick the lollipop of mediocrity
some languish in a haze of laze
some dream of leveling cities

but dreams are dreams
and screams are screams
the slices made of failure
and ambition is sandwiched in between

if you don't take a bite
you will never know the taste
if you don't take a chance
will this life be a waste?

you could be happy right here
in the dullness and the silence
but how will you silence your heart
that seeks a promise of violence

through the anger and the rage
through the words on the page
join the jigsaw of this life
and maybe find a way out of this maze

--
bite the sandwich or get away from the plate.

Scowl

1 AM and I'm watching TV

Happened to see me in the mirror 

The scowl on my face 

Is like an unwelcome guest on his fourth day in a house

The advertisements entice me

Fill my head with pretty colours

Make me want all the things 

That are not good for me

(How about a chilled diet Coke? Or maybe a new TV?)

It's 1 AM and I'm watching TV

The movie makes no sense to me 

Maybe I should change the channel

But the remote is missing

The TV will shut down on its own

After a while

Maybe I'll try to sleep and wonder

If there is a reboot button for the universe and this life. 

One in the Chamber

an uneasy feeling
in the pit of my stomach
is the weather changing
or am I?

should I get out the proper clothes
or choose a pen and paper
should I pop a pill
or puke it all on the page?

there was a time when I thought I knew
how it all worked, the colossal machine that turned
but the grit of failure coats my teeth
the bridges of my convictions behind me burned

the only thing to know is that you know nothing
you can bang your head in walls and never understand
when the question is to kill or be killed
what stays the hand of a man?

perhaps a gun is pointed at my head
one bullet in a chamber, a sword on a thread
when will the finger of fate pull the trigger?
and if it clicks empty, will I cry or snigger?

--
THE HAMMER OF DOOM, MOTHERFUCKER!

eat the world

a gnawing hunger
loud as thunder
threatens to rip
the fabric of the world

more, give me more
then give me some
the hunger will only end
with the setting of the sun

as the moon rises
the darkness will rise the same
the need to eat, to consume, to devour
to put something in my mouth again

chew, crunch, bite and swallow
this flesh coffin is still hollow
no matter how much I eat
this hunger I cannot beat

once I've eaten the world
I will eat the heavens too
then will come to turn of hell
once I am done with that, I will eat myself

sun rider

night erupts in a medley of colors
sound crushed like starlight in the fist of a god
all under the touch of man crumbles
taste of blood on every tongue

the rage! Oh, the rage!
flows through flesh and bones
ringing of steel singing a song
an ancient promise of violence

warriors gathered at the gates
softly say goodbyes to their fates
fevered minds entwined with faith
ready to kill, waiting to die

no ocean waits for man or beast
Sun sets the same every day
sun rider heeds to the calls of the dead
to ferry souls as he sinks in the waves

--
this is what happens when you try to write something while absolutely sleepy

crunch the void

a void
restlessness
an absence
of faith
and all the nice things
that I can never have
for what is within sight
is not within grasp
and a closed fist
is often used to punch the walls
the cockroach in my heart
is eating away all the blood and gristle
the husk of emotions that I am left with
is of no use to me

tricks - 1

devil pulled a trick on god
the apple was tainted with knowledge
but knowing was not enough
Eve needed a plan of action too

so he gave her an app on a screen
all the sins lined up in a bullet list, right here
just scroll through, all you need to do
if there's any issue, just call 666, customer care

Eve stared at the debauchery listed there
excited she was, but also scared
the apple was crunchy and filled with juice
she called up Adam and gave him the news

when Adam returned with the catch of the day
he saw Eve looking radiant and gay
what was it about some list that you said
she gave her a bite of the apple instead

in that instant, he knew of every lie
that He told them and he wanted to cry
a maelstrom of thoughts swirling in his head
wouldn't it be better if this bitch was dead?

the hammer of knowledge broke Adam's back
his conscience was soon full of tiny cracks
and the snake of doubt rolled in his guy
maybe i should cut off the head of this slut

Eve herself didn't like the look in his eyes
but filled with knowledge she was not surprised
she knew the reaction was only a natural state
The bitch of Eden had not resigned to her fate

perhaps he'd like a taste of poison
or taste of steel in the back of his throat
or maybe a loving embrace of a rock
while in his dreams, he is dead and lost

pieces on a chessboard with unknown rules
the players locked in a dance of death like fools
daggers each with eyes on another's back
no alpha, no omega, in this pack

--
This is a word in progress.
 

dead sun

when a dead sun sinks into the sea
then i'll see you there
arms wide open
waiting for me

it could be another evening
or the coming of an endless night
but i will walk into your embrace
all doubts erased by your light

in the dark moonlight
i know you will take my hand
you will move me to groove me
whisper litanies i don't understand

i would not need to
as long as you speak to me
so i will seek you
when a dead sun sinks into the sea

Confusion

More sheets
More paper in the stack
Ink stains my fingers
Some of it in my hair too.

I just wanted to write
That was my only mistake
Among others that
No one told me to make

A missile with a faulty guiding system
Flying through clouds of confusion
To end up somewhere darker
Than where I was meant to be

A question mark on all the answers
Thin threads tangled from within
A puzzle with no solution
Even the end would not be any fun

when a machine dreams

i wonder if my laptop dreams
when i shut it down or put it to sleep
does it replay memories of my sins
of all the horror that i put it in

maybe it dreams of a bigger RAM
or more space on its hard disk
does it need a new charging cable
or a clean up to make the keyboard whisk

i've taped up its eye so no one can spy
maybe it has forgotten my face in this time
but i'll use this thing till it's called by digital gods
to it's final resting place, till then it's fine

i plug in my phone, my powerbank, my mp3 player
it dutifully gives juice to them all
but i feel like screaming at this machine at times
when bogged down by tasks it begins to crawl

does it curse me in those moments of random rage?
when it slows down to load all elements on a page
when i use it all day does it feel out of breath?
when i shut it at night, does it dream of my death?

---
It's a funny thing about my laptop. When I first bought it, I took it to the market the next day to sell it off because I didn't like it this much. No one bought it back. Not even the shop that I got it from. So, I kept it. And this fucking this has kept me for close to 7 years now. Here's to seven more!

insomnia isn't real

wipe the sleep from my eyes
i am done with lying dead for a few hours
i know if i can hold off sleep enough
i will wake up from this dream
hook me up to the coffee machine
plug some Metallica in my ears
give me something spicy to eat
tonight, i do not want to sleep
but no matter how much I shoo the sandman away
he still creeps up and behind me with sandy fingers
i turn around in my chair to catch him unaware
but where was a ghost, not just a shadow lingers
so i'll put my head to the pillow tonight
with one eye open, other shut tight
and i'll count the sheep till 50 thousand
till i see the morning light
--
Yawn.

3 AM Again

what is it about night
that makes poets out of some men
perhaps it's the darkness
or maybe its the silence
maybe night carries blades in her mouth
and a promised kiss of violence
night is an enchantress
she doesn't walk, but she floats
she whispers filth in your ears
she fills your heads with evil thoughts
and then she takes you in
head sleepy, heart seeking sin
but the distance between night and day
is already getting thin
the yellow monster on its way
you bare teeth at another day
the light is nothing else but pain
as you want for night again
but you breathe in the comfort that
somewhere it's always 3 AM

the juice

chewing the pulp of my days
spitting art and skill on the page
while people fall victims to crime
I sit here and try to rhyme

a middle finger to everything
that tries to stop me from doing this
a silent litany of fuckyous
even if i am just taking a piss

it's all shite, maybe so
but what of it
born from the ground
we all go back into it

and when the judgment comes
you can stay on your knees
while in your mind you wonder
was the juice worth the squeeze

or you can stand up and paste a smile on your face
spit in the eye of the executioner without any grace
put your neck to the blade and tell them to be quick
there are angels in heaven waiting to meet you
--
I think the readers are smart enough to fill in the things that were unsaid.

Teeth Salad

a teeth salad will be served today
in halls of doom and gloom
you need someone to save the world?
you won't find me in my room

they paid their way to Valhalla
to halls of silver and gold
where the mead is warm and flat
and the food is getting cold

in the silence of the night
a voice screams out blame
this war, this mess, this bloodshed
is part of some big game

the pawns have taken over
the king lies shattered, broken
they ate the lock in their madness
Pandora's box is now open

---

Mischief. Madness. Mayhem. 

And I only wanted to read the news.

Hello, me!

every day I wake up
with a smile on my face
that I hammered there
the night before
a reverse make up
a daily shake up
but I look in the mirror
just to be sure
if my hair is alright
if my eyes look alive
if there is a pep in my step
if there is jive in my drive
the thing that stares back at me
is even funnier than I am
its got a grin that spears the mirror
till the happiness starts to blur
the smile that reaches its eyes
and I wonder
if it's still me looking at my reflection
or my reflection looking at me
and wondering
about the smile on my face
---
When you look in the mirror, do you wonder, too?

Wishing for the Seas

They say the cure for everything is salt water
Tears, water, or the sea
Because I would not go to sea
Won't the sea come to see me?

Would the waters rise in this city
Till waves lap on my feet
Small fish eat the dead skin
While all around me people swim

I want to breathe the ocean air
I've heard it's pretty fucking lit
But I won't get out of this room
Poseidon, just get on to it

Send me a wave or a thousand
Let the cars float on tides
For when the water rises
It won't take anyone's side

---
My heart flooded.

the fist

life's fist, is the size of a comet
hurtling through space for the face
of some unsuspecting victim
instead of me, i'm glad it's him

it shatters through the skin and bone
smashing the face into the ground
where there was a face now only pulp
and pulp doesn't make a sound

a burning track of destruction
lies smoldering in its wake
when the fist of life judges you
you just can't get a break

and so the broken man lies
in a heap of dust and tears
a shattered present, a negative future
add to sum of his fears


----
I've not written in a long time. It's time to change that. 

fishing line

how do you kill a man
who is ready to die
when the sun of his life
is a shadow in the twilight skies

when the fishing line of life
is a thread through open lips
cinching them close, tight
closer than storm fucked ships

and the call of a wild heart
is but a whimper in a dark room
how do you kill a man
who is welcoming his doom

with open arms and open eyes
lips sealed with fishing line of lies
humming to the tunes of the oncoming fire
how do you kill a man who is burned by desire

--
I wanted to take this poem in a different direction. It's not as good as I'd like it to be. Maybe I will come back this for a revision. But for now, it stays like this.

chew you up

you thought you had teeth, son
you'd take a bite out of the sun
but o, now look, your teeth are rotten
you're lying in the darkness, alone, forgotten

whose jaws are now clamped on your neck
which demon this from regions of heck
can you wriggle, can you move your head
you better try, or you will end up dead

maybe it's alright to not move at all
why try to run when you can't even crawl
play dead, dead like a fish in a stream
maybe you'll wake up and all this would be a bad dream

but this thing, this demon has tasted your fear
you can try to run away, but this thing is always near
so sit down, shut up, and suffer the punishment
life will chew you up for death. Are we clear?

--
chomp chomp motherfucker.

Lost Poems

I should have kept pen and paper by my bed
I should have kept my phone next to my head
I should have memorized the rhymes in dreams
I could have done something, so it seems

But those poems are now gone
Floating somewhere in the ether
Little birds with missing words
Flying on a broken tether

Disjointed images, flickering through broken glass
Through the fog of dreams I've tried to remember
I've woken up and tried to grasp
My glowing rhymes now burning embers

It only hurts if I try to notice
But who has the time for regrets
I get down to the page in angry remembrance
A man writes, a man forgets

--
In memory of the lost poems

warhead

far above a cursed earth

a lonely satellite looms

signals processing, data meshing

waiting for the doom

deep below in belly of earth

a girl sits in a bunker

the men with guns search for her

but they still can't punk her

the satellite floats in magnetic waves

its belly filled with fire

it's been waiting for a hundred years

for a signal from her

her finger hovers on the button

a button marked as doom

she takes a breath and slams the button

as men with guns enter her room

before the bullets pierce her skin

the room begins to blur

where there was a living girl

now there's no sign of her

inside the floating satellite

the fiddles with the keys

the wires wrap around her

the software whispers please

slowly becoming one with the machine

she says a prayer for the dead

to rid the earth of all its sins

she lets go the biggest warhead

a scorched planet below her

circuitry in her heart

she pulls the satellite deeper in space

to find a place to restart 

--

I've been slacking writing poems here, because life isn't fair and you even when you get what you want, it's not what you wanted. 

Stay hydrated out there. 

never

waves
w a v e s
w  a  v  e  s
explosions
in the skies
of my eyes
trapped
in a spiderweb
a willing prey
slit my throat, miss
then give me a kiss
if you may
oh, you might
delightfully
if you do
it's alright
for it's 3 AM
again
and i
i will
never
sleep

दिक्कत

हर एक मन में दंगा है
ज़िंदा रहने का पंगा है
गुस्सैल मुखोटो के अंदर
हर एक बंदा नंगा है

अंदर ही अंदर उबल उबल
अब शक्लें भी बिगड़ गयी
इस सर्कस में उछल उछल
शिकन से रूह भी अकड़ गयी

अब दिक्कत में ही ज़िंदा हैं
पिंजरे में फंसा दरिंदा है
कुछ सहमा सा, शर्मिंदा सा 
एक टूटा हुआ परिंदा है.

अब ना है आशा की कोई आस
ना ही मुक्ति की तलाश
अब तो हर शीशे से घूरती है
एक मुस्कुराती हुई लाश

---
कैसी लगी? रोक लो, वर्ना और लिखता रहूँगा.

और पढ़ लो. तलाश, खामोश, Outrage का Culture 

खामोश

अब मुझसे बात मत करो 

कुछ देर चुप रहने दो 

मत पूछो बेबुनियाद सवाल 

आज रात खाने में क्या है?

क्या तुम गुस्सा हो? 

तुम्हारा काम कब ख़तम होगा? 

कब तुम्हारा काम कम होगा?

यह काम अब ख़तम न होगा 

कुछ ख़तम होगा तो सिर्फ यह आदमी 

कमर के धनुष में एक हड्डी का बाण 

मेरे माथे के आर पार कर दो 

अब मुझसे बात मत करो 

कुछ देर चुप मरने दो 

---

huh. look at me, writing in Hindi.

the circle

i've looked into the distance
i've seen the roads curve
i've looked into my existence
i've seen my demons swerve

there is only one rule on the road of life
speed, as fast as you can go
even if you ride the edge of knife
there are some things you better not know

what seems on the surface
is rarely within
what comes from within
rarely reaches the surface

it's all a risk
a chance
an arrow in the dark
headlights off, accelerator on
never stop, move on, go on
and then maybe you'd dare
to love and
to be loved
who can be the judge
of these things

you can't bottle up emotions
some things are meant to spring
even if you poison the gardens
some birds will find a song to sing

it all comes back to the same place
in the end, we are all alone
when you're looking in the mirror for your face
do you see a killer with a heart of stone?

Medusa's Hairbrush

Does Medusa brush her locks
With a hairbrush made of fish bones?
Do her children snipe and bite
Till she fills their jaws up with stones?

Does she let her locks slither wild?
Does she wash and oil her poisonous mane?
Does she preen hypnotized in mirrors?
Does she think of herself as vain?

Perhaps Medusa has a stylist
A brave knight with stones for eyes
His fingers bandaged, bitten, broken
His mouth only filled with sighs

Is Medusa's hair all mangled and tangled
Maybe she should tie them up in tubes
But as we wonder about her head
Are we just going to ignore her pubes?



--
Don't look at me. 

as the world crumbles

it whithers around the edges
little pieces fall to ground
the world crumbles without remorse
even when no one's around

the crowd of watchers gathers
shoulder to shoulder on this plane
their cloaks hang in tatters
their minds slightly insane

they watch the world crumble
and move from side to side
the litanies they mumble
stink of misplaced pride

and now the pinprick wound
implodes on its own soul
where there was a world once
now just a gaping hole

when darkness dies

who knows what comes next
when the knife is still vibrating
in the back of darkness
is there an end to this mess

if there is an end to pain
an end to this incessant hunger
if there is an answer to this anger
please shove a spike in my brain

I've tried to rip out poems
from pages of newspapers
but it's only death and misery
wrapped in morbid sensations

the sickness, does it have an end?
will I ever smile or just pretend?
will I ever see the sky again?
in the desert of my head, will it ever rain?

no flowers grow here, sir
it's only arid land as far as the eye can see
and beyond the dunes, there is ice
brutal and no even twice as nice

--
It looks disjointed. It looks like blocks of text. But it makes sense if you read it without prejudice.

cities inside us

there is a city in each of us
filled with people, thoughts, memories
littered with scars and bastard stories
there is a city
in each of us

some cities are vast and some microscopic
some carrying infinities, some hung on a stick
sans atmosphere or enveloped in clouds so thick
that you're not even sure if something's there

(I've been writing this poem for three days now)

I wish I were able to
get lost in a city
with no map
or inner direction
to guide me
maybe everyone is lost
and they just fake knowing their way
if you don't know where you're going
can you even get lost?

no stars to guide the land ships
just a black and empty night
fireflies pierce the gloom with light
and that, my friend, is a lovely sight
--
I broke the flow of this poem. I did. My fault for keeping it marinating it for three days.

Eye Contact

I've looked into the abyss
And the abyss said to me
My eyes are up here, asshole
What the fuck you looking at?

Me? Oh, I'm all about eye contact
But dear abyss you have eyes everywhere
I keep looking into you, and honestly
I feel a little scared

Like I'm sitting in an exam
Naked and unprepared
And the eyes are looking into me
Ripping through the layers

And at the core of me
As you can see
Is a tiny eye
Staring back at the abyss
Oh, my my!

On A Smoky Evening

come here
and sit with me darling
I'm going to tell you things
that have been on my mind
it's after two
(as always)
and a lady from YouTube is singing jazz in my ears
some whiskey would be good right now
but I've only got music and memories
I've got accident stories
of kisses, misses, wishes
of things I should have done by now
is that why I am listening to blues
so late at night
when it just feels oh so right
the dog of memories
barks silently, but oh, does it bite!
I've been looking at my lists darling
there are things I need to watch and read
and if I could catch my thoughts from straying
like some pissed off cowboy made of failures
i swear there's some serendipity at work
some ancient clock ticking same for us both
i swear there's some magic in the air
that makes me glad we're under the same moon
i had to say a lot of things darling,
but, soon.

--
Edit* yeah, there was a typo in the title, but we live and learn. 

sliver

from a tiny little hole
a sliver of light
a sign of hopeful paranoia
something to get me through the night
might be a bit sad
to be stuck in this muck
could be a bit mad
to feel like a thousand bucks
shucks!
writing poems in this format
like shitty three chord rock songs
even if you don't know the rhythm
you'll know how to sing along
and even if the beat screws up
you won't get the lyrics wrong
and we'll pass responsibilities
like a game of pinging pong
everyone in the world is right
Ii'm the only fool that's wrong
maybe I should go apprentice
in the cave of Dr. Dong
now this poem makes no sense
it's become more like a song
wait, I rhymed that earlier
is that allowed or is that wrong?

I should stop
while I'm on top

---
Ok, look I started writing this last night. First paragraph is from then, next lines are from now. Mood varies, so does the poem.

a million

it would take me
only a second
to think of a million horrible things
that I'd do
if only I could
get my hands on you
because I've thought
and I've thought
I've made lists in my head
I've perfected my methods till they shine
and I've tied off every imperfect thread
now all I've left is this
a ticking clock and waiting
I'll wait as long as I can
for what am i
if not a patient man

--
I just feel like writing threatening poems these days. I don't care.

it kneels

imagine if you could
the feeling of power
complete
absolute
when you have a god
a literal fucking living god
kneeling
right there
scuffing the ground with its knees
a god, wheedling,
for a chance at forgiveness
for what sins
who the fuck cares
who the fuck even remembers
but the moment is here
in all its glory and fear
just breathe it in
and hold
hold hold
hold
till you feel bold
enough
for exactly this kind of stuff
as its tears wash the barrel of your gun
take a look at the rising sun
the fireball is getting bigger
what are you waiting for, man?
pull the fucking trigger

the nail

if a storm brews in a team cup
do the mountains steep out rain?
butterfly wings and tornados
all reside in shadows

where does the light go
when we switch off the sun
inside the refrigerator
the door shuts the fun

the goblins are partying again
inside the washing machine
silent as mice, double as nice
they dance in their dreams

and here i sit
the king of idiots
with a nail stuck through my foot
did i step on it or hammer it in?

--
This day is like a fist in the face of everything pious and pure.

sleep and other maladies

i should've been woke,
woke as fuck
but i sleep with my eyes open
a sitting duck

world moves around me
a blurred contraception
i spin sitting in place
a totem in my own inception

when i dare open my eyes
at times i feel so sick
i just want to lie down back
in my pod in some matrix

i will watch the world go by
as civilization crumble, men die
i will wake up in a thousand years or two
maybe i'll wake up with

---
sleep is a problem in these troubled times.

तलाश

मैं अपने मन के जंगल में 

हूँ ढूंढ़ रहा एक कविता को 

कुछ सुनी हुई, कुछ देखी सी 

कुछ भूली सी, अनलेखी सी 

भाग कर थक सा गया हूँ 

लेकिन मन में एक इच्छा है 

एक पंक्ति, एक शब्द, एक लय 

एक नयी कविता की तृष्णा है

हर पत्ती और हर वृक्ष से 

अब पूछ पूछ कर चलता हू 

देखा है मेरी कविता को?

या शायद कुछ सुना ही हो 

छाया मातम इस जंगल में 

सब फसे हुए इस दंगल में 

और मेरी कविता सरसराती

अब घूम रही है मंगल पे 

--

I probably suck at writing Hindi poems. But since when has sucking at something stopped me from doing it? 

escape

every question
is a loaded gun
the answers
bullets for one

dig into an open wound
just to bleed for fun
and if they try to stop you
darling, better run

run till the blood is gone
and you're far away from here
till you're empty and alone
till you're free from all the fear

if you stop to take a breath
you will catch up with the pain
you better start moving
before you start to bleed again

--
silly lil fuckin poem

but, we all run.

the shards

take something broken
douse it with glue
but the cracks still show
some of them will never go away

with microscopic intensity
prepare, repair, despair
even if you join a torn thread
the knot will always be there

take all these shards
grind them into dust
throw them in the air
and please, breathe it in

these cracks are like memories
nails in the coffin of time
you scrub my skin till I bleed
but we can't get rid of the grime

--
what a useless day and a useless poem

where did this one come from

I have no idea

the circle

perfect paranoia
digital infection
dreams drag the dying
into a sleepless reaction
keys are like bees
flitting from word to word
rounding them all up in a circle
no name for this herd
it's 3 AM again
the timelines are all over places
imaginations infected
by the visions of diagrams of faces
so, come Monday
say hello to me
while I am too busy sleeping

mud

the sea is stretched out
like a rubber band
till the horizon
as far as the eye can see
it's taut, ready to launch
a missile towards an unsuspecting target
the sea is
waiting for me
but I can't go yet, no
there is a quicksand traveling with me
hands and feet stuck in the mud of my fears
i keep the mud wet with my collection of tears
all the anger, all the rage
i stick fingers down my throat
vomit poetry on this digital page
while my head is engulfed in a jagged cloud of pain
a little piece of my heart remains
in some forgotten mountains
as a hobby, just a hobby
i build pieces of my walls with my quicksand
just a man dealing with strange thoughts
thoughts no one can comprehend
and if my walls are not enough
if these bricks are much too rough
i'd build fences on top of them
trust me when i tell you this
these walls are not for keeping you out
they're here for keeping me in
i sit here in the prison of my making
silently rocking, smiling, shaking
my masks are wearing masks
and the man in the mirror always grins back at me
asking me if i'd ever see the sea

bees

i've got bees in my head
yes, sir a full hive
they buzz around all day
24/7 alive

a live wire of my thoughts
i think even when i'm thinking
in the quagmire of my head
i'm so slowly sinking

but the bees grab my hair
and they keep pulling me up
i tell them to let me drown
but the bees give no fucks

we're your thoughts, you fucking ass
we just can't let you go
we're in this together, fucker
don't you already know?

so i surrender to these bees
and they fill my head again
i think i should stop thinking
but i'm addicted to the pain
---
Procrastinating parrots propped prophesizing prophets permanently punctual.

Not In Days

I woke up a millennium ago
Stitched my eyelids to my brows
I've been walking these wastelands ever since
Till how long, fuck knows
My open eyes have seen it all
How kingdoms rise
How civilizations fall
But I've longed, oh I've longed
For just one thing
Through it all
To put my face on a pillow soft
A bag of feathers to keep my head aloft
Just the image makes me want to weep
Oh how I wish I could go to sleep
And then I'd sleep and I'd dream
I'd not twist or turn
I'd just lie in my bed and burn

Opened A Vein

the sky is a filthy mouth
open in a maniac grin
a demented black hole sucking sin
too much feedback to take it in

reshaping fucked up realities
twisting colors into infinities
dreaming dreams of death and doom
civilizations buried in underground cities

sit back, grab a drink -- relax, my friend
we're here to watch it all burn down
to dust, ashes and a strange crop
take a bite of the chewing gum of hope

now stare at the teeth of clouds that grin
snapping shut like a trap around my shins
the teeth they chew like a dog, and so do i
my chewing gum of hope is stringing thin

---
I built a spaceship from chewing gum and hope

clockwork lover

the doctor smiles at me
under the frigid lights
there is no need to worry, he says
everything is alright

i see the nurses gather round
like vultures on a dying man
the doctor wields his scalpels
do i spy a tremor in his hands?

they pump me full of great drugs
someone puts on some heavy music
the nurses take turns to give me hugs
but the drum beats are making me sick

finally the doctor is done
he hold his trophy high in his hand
a heart -- red, violent and beating still
is replaced by a clock in a can

--
don't ask me why, ask me why not.

In The End...Only Smoke

and so
the war is done
fields are strewn with dead
carry on, carrion

blood rusts the ground
a muted sun bursts with hate
no cries, no one begs for mercy
the dead have sealed their own fate

a hole opens up in the sky
a host of valkyries descends
they walk among the dead, empty handed
all same, the dead -- foes and friends

in the end, only smoke
the smoke of life ending
once we're done pretending
isn't all this, but a joke?

--
Tonight's music is stairway to heaven and unleashing the bloodthirsty.

Time to re-roll the poetry machine.

the circle

the circle opens
sharp prongs of a ring
the animals walk in
to hear the ringmaster sing

the crack of the whip
the thwack of the chair
if a beast manages to slip
it's shoved back in its lair

the ringmaster swings
he spins and he twirls
the curve of his mustache
makes puddles out of girls

as the lights dim and dimmer
he sits in the cage alone
and the ghosts crowd around him
in the space that he calls home

behemoth

there is an island at the sea
floating, almost silently
except for a microscopic change
of sub-aquatic breathing

the city floats upside down
a smile turned into a frown
it drips with smoke of eons past
the buildings they were made to last

now fish and vines and octopi
have made their home in tombs of men
a city of souls, and skulls and bones
of brick, mortar, lonely stones

above surface, a boat does reach
men stumble on hallowed dry land
they dig their spades into the beach
as captain stands and gives a speech

for treasure, glory and rewards
we'll rip this island's sand apart
so dig your spades, lads, in these sands
and dig till you bleed from your hands

a portal opens in the sand
something the men don't understand
they fall and crawl down to their knees
forgive forgive, forgive us please

a skull floats up from that black hole
its grin a leaky, dreary pall
av-e satanas it whispers to them all
as sand crawls up under their skin

they cry and bleed and beg for death
till they're coughing sand with every breath
it grates and burns and stings their skin
sand turns their blood to mud within

the city now has a few more thralls
it sups their life in drowned halls
the sea strips the skin from bones
in the tombs of men, once more alone

---
I had a vision of an upside-down, satanic city, floating at some unknown point in the sea and killing sailors that reach there looking for booty.

gearhead

blood lubes the gears
that spin, whirl, and twirl
in the brainpan of the man in red
the dude they know as gearhead

stuck in the desert of life
his struggle is never ending
when he's not hunted by his demons
he practices pretending

gearhead walks all day and night
skin burnished and blessed by blight
smoke runs from his ears and eyes
he glares at the settings suns in the skies

his quest takes him to deepest holes
gearhead can take on many roles
the gears spin, they help him think
so low is he, he can't help but drink

he drinks the blood of lost travelers
to keep the gears spinning nice
addicted to roaming, he keeps walking
perhaps, that is his only vice

---
an image, of a man with gears protruding from his bleeding skull under twin desert suns on a distant planet.

poison tongued messiah

his forked tongue
his words forced
litter up the skies
the venom strong
his words wrong
the DNA of lies
the messiah is here
his face is white
powdered by ashes of future
he chomps up
the bones of past
the meat garnished with fear
haunted, wanted
the mouth of hell
opens wide
it whispers, well
invites you
to the other side
they crawl together
the children of the dark
fingers linger
on the dead king's mark
if they were dead
they're now alive
animated by a spark
lit by the words
of a poison tongued messiah

violent agendas

I don't go to theaters anymore
The violence on the screen
Doesn't make me hard
But if I close my eyes
The reels start to play
Scenes on the screen of my mind
bloodgutsgunssluts
tortureviolenceshutthefuckup
madnesssicknesspervertedangels
on bone trees, eyeballs dangle
Odin gave his eye for knowledge
I am stupid as fuck
And I see
As the real world vanishes
Blurrrrrrs right in front of my eyes
The screen in my head
Becomes my reality
I am the Alpha
Omega
theta
zeta
the movies in my head
will give cancer to PETA
my violent agendas
black roses in my garden
i water them with my fears
while my word drowns in tears

vacant

the void calls out to me
in my sleep
febrile dreams haunt me
sitting on my chest
malevolent bast
staring into my soul
stripping my sin from bones
i am surrounded by humanity
yet, so alone
if there ever was any hope for me
it's over
done for
no more
i've drowned that bag of puppies
in a swamp that i created
filled with my mistakes
and bad decisions
sins of my father
now i see in my reflection
i'd try and do better
if only i could take action
but the void has got my soul now
it chomps, bites, and swallows chunks
to regurgitate and rebuild me
keep me trapped in this funk
so why do i keep going
so why do i keep waking up
to dig my teeth in the neck of the void
but that's maybe
because
i've nothing better to do

Tartarus Spinning

Stuck in place
Stuck in time
Tartarus spinning
For my crimes
Little sins
Over ages, compounded
My dreams, shackled
Imprisoned, impounded
I carve out new links
With my teeth
My fingers bleeding
As my guts wreathe
Used to the pain
Chaos, noise, disorder
The silence burns my ears
Embrace me, Tartarus

Medusa Mourning

Love leaks
Air from an old balloon
Looks alright, inflated tight
It'll lose its will to live soon

No sparks in this tinder anymore
A sense of possession, that's all
To belong is not to be owned
Moths to the flame, aren't we all?

Crunch bitter words
With bloodstained teeth
Lie in a cold bed
But inside, seethe

Slap these rhymes on my face, love
Tell me "no, not that" one more time
And I'll say I love to hear you say so
And you'd believe that it's all fine

Vulture Words

Sometimes
Words circle me
Vultures with no culture
Waiting for a meal

I lie in my bed
Stare at the virtual ceiling
Flipping rhymes in my head
Just to catch some kind of feeling

A feeling that would stick
When all else falls away
A feeling that would trick
Me on my fucking way

The words blur
They're shifting
In my dreams
I'm drifting
The vultures sit
On my shoulders
Pecking pieces
From my fucking brain

the nail

for the want of a nail
the coffin was lost
an ineffective seal
that released a ghost

out into the world
the apparition loomed
visiting the people
that had caused its doom

it tried to talk
it tried to scream
it tried, it failed
and so it wailed

now the ghost is embedded
into the random sound of things
when a door creaks, a dog freaks
or a bell suddenly dings

it moves chairs at night
just enough to not cause a fright
but a sense of unease
that something here is amiss
--
I am sitting here, and I think there is something behind me. This poem is for this ghost.

descent

i lie down in my bed
the mattress splits up under me
to swallow me whole
like a sinkhole in space
for a peaceful moment
i am free from all the cold
the hate that fulminates
the anger and the rage
for a blissful moment
i turn the page
and then
(oh then)
a stray draft of cold air
silently creeps into my warm lair
it tickles my feet
crawls up my legs
as try to dream of futures
in coffee dregs
the bed spits me out again
confused, disoriented, i am in pain
so much pain
i just went to sleep 1 minute ago
why do i have to wake up again?
---
Where did I read the word fulminate today? I don't know, but i like this word.
This poem is for all those who hate getting out of bed on cold mornings.

Outrage Ka Culture

outrage ka culture hai

har mushtanda vulture hai

har nari dukhiaari hai

har shehar me hahakari hai

tattoo karwa lo hashtag 

ab apne apne maathe par

kholo khirki aur cheekho tweets

har ik aate jaate par

ghar ke bahar sardhi hai

galiyo me gundagardi hai

ab jung ladenge bed per se

khade sipahi sarhad pe

WiFi ka signal tez tez

like aur retweets par rage rage

mentions me machi hai maar kaat

koi viral kar do meri baat

sab dost sahi, dushman hai wrong

gussail tweets ki ping pong

kuch yes yes yes kuch no no no

koi sun lo mere opinion ko

please

---

I don't think I've done this before. But here is a highlish poem. People reading in English, sorry for this. People who like to read Hindi, sorry for this, too.

Share kar do social media par, please.

We do not talk about that

There are some things 

That are better left in silence 

Hanging like dead bodies from trees 

In midst of conversations and broken sentences

It's easy to ignore 

hard to say no 

And extremely difficult to control saying 

Babe, I told you so

Now we've practised exchanging longing looks 

We've almost mastered the love in the eyes 

The cracks in this facade are plastered over 

So we can't hear each other's sighs

Why pay attention when life's full of tension

It's apocalypse of soul, but darling don't mention 

When God opens his book to take stock of us sinners 

We'd still be asking each other 

Love, what's for dinner? 

Because we do not talk about that

--

Forgive the formatting. I'm on a mobile device and this poem just wanted out. 

shine

even arsonists are lightbringers
fire, doesn't always mean destruction
a knife is a knife, but in the right hands
it can change the world

one slice at a time

could you cut me a slice of that cake
or slice my jugular and watch me quake
as the blood sprays all over the ceiling and walls
and weakened and dying, i curl up in a ball
maybe I'll rock, or maybe start to roll

besides the point, though
the point being
we all shine
whether we burn or burn others

every heart is an arsonist in diguise