monkey on my back

I was drinking with some stupid motherfuckers
when a stupid motherfucker told me
'Hey, man, you look burdened, like, uh,
like you have a monkey on your back.'

I looked at him
then I looked at the monkey on my back
I told the monkey to stay calm
Try not to attack
Try not to rip the face
off the stupid motherfucker
who passed judgment on my monkey
for the monkey is mine
we're best friends
he rides my back all day
and eats lice from my hair
gives me beautiful head massages
and we watch tv together, too
i lend the monkey a single one of my earbuds
we rock out to mindfuck metal tunes
and when I read a book, the monkey turns the pages
it's fucking helpful
to have a monkey who'd peel grapes
and put them in your mouth when you're fighting trolls online

but what do stupid motherfuckers know
the fun of having a monkey on your back
no matter how heavy the monkey gets
it's still my monkey