Wednesday, December 11, 2013


once the ball starts rolling
there is no stopping it
it collects causalities along the way
smearing it all in shit
and through the shit
sometimes diamonds shine through
so keep your eyes open
and your mouth shut
there is no time to doubt
just go along with the changes
just go along with the changes
things will change for better
things will change for worse
but be sure things will change
like seasons
like humans
like emotions
like passions
so change with the changes
be something better
than the sum of your parts


can't keep a poet down for long.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Tree

How boring would it be
To just be a tree
Rooted to the ground
While the world spins around me

It won't be much exciting
To see the seasons change
While the humans rearrange
Themselves in different skins

Leave fall and leaves grow
Through the rain and the snow
Sunshine, hail, and fog
Just breathing in this smog

Standing still is no thrill
And now the humans come for me
With their jaws and their claws
They rip, tear and open me

They take my arms and my legs
Turn me into boards and pegs
Divided and thrown all around
My single mind hears the sound

Of the slow walk of the beast
Who comes for all of them
Carrying revenge and retribution
Justice on its poisoned back
Justice is a sky turned black

the lost poem

maybe millions of years ago
when i was just a child
surfing the interwebs
i came across a poem
which impressed me so much
i wrote it down in a notebook
and took a printout too
so that i could read it again 
and again
now the notebook is lost
the printout is lost
the name of the poem in my head
is a fading memory
all that i remember
that the poem was about a butterfly
lost on her way home

Saturday, September 7, 2013


i can feel
the earth vibrate under me
an anger
inside the surface
the mad god sits
the demise of 

when the cracks appear
doubts disappear
there is only one
thing to do
run like fuck
run like fuck, man

Monday, August 19, 2013

keyboard monkey

hey keyboard monkey
[invisible boy] 
who needs eyes
when you can touch and type
who needs ears
when you can't hear
who needs a mouth
when you don't feed
just a tube stuck up your ass
upload coffee
download the waste
same in and out
does it even matter?
you're just brain matter
blazing fast fingers
ass stuck in the chair
there are creatures
living in your hair

hey keyboard monkey
you need a new keyboard perhaps
the old one is all broken 
just like your fingers
mashed to pulp
bone fragments shine 
keyboard monkey
you're no friend of mine
how much money have you made boy?
how much did you sell your dreams for?
you wanted to be a writer?
should've been clearer!
now write, motherfucker, write
the deadline is hanging on your head
you will write till you're dead
your tunnel of fate is a dead end
i am so totally not your friend
write keyboard monkey write
give up, it's pointless to fight
here, another cup of coffee
suck on this toffee
wait for another day
to go down the drain
while words fall from your brain
flat on the screen
don't scream
no one cares
no one cares

Saturday, August 17, 2013

You will smile

You will smile for the cameras, till they're done clicking.
If you don't smile, the cameras will steal your soul
They will fill their flashes in the empty hole
Of something that was you
So smile
Smile to save your life
Smile to be yourself
Smile to make a better day
Of something that's breaking apart anyway.

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, August 11, 2013


the sounds of birds fill my ears
the sounds of chainsaws fill my fears
the anger, the danger, the madness
it all boils down to one moment

the choice is to explode or implode
to be erased, tazed or phased
into something you're not
into something you will never be

when your moment comes
what will you do
for a chance at glory
or your place in the gutter

so listen for the sounds
listen to the sounds
that carry signals from the past
to the future and your present

Are you present?

Sunday, August 4, 2013

In the Dark of the Night

I will wait for you by the street light
I will stand there 
Pacing, tracing my steps
To the corner and back again

I will wait there till moonlight fills the sky
I will wait there
For you
Till sunlight

Even though I know
You won't be here
Till another thousand years or so
I will wait.
Sounds shitty? Well, it could be a dog. It could be a lover. It could be stalker. It could be a serial killer.

Sounds shitty now?

Wednesday, June 5, 2013


mindless clicking
thoughtlessly tapping
fingers know the keys
like lovers addicted to each other

with faces awash in screenglow
there is nowhere left for us to go
old and bitter and cranky
a waste of oxygen

we all make mistakes
but some mistakes are art
like a bad painting
that you can't stop drawing

bad decisions are stuck to my skin
like leeches, bleeding me every day
i pull at them, but they've dug too deep in
my fat friends feeding on my misery

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Are You Happy?

Every happy man hides a secret
It's hidden just behind his smile
Something dark and something wicked
Insidious, malevolent and vile

I've observed the happy man's smile
It never reaches his eyes
His eyes that are full of hopelessness
A vacant stare that bores through lies

When I walked in dark streets of this city
I often thought of the happy man
Jealous of his happiness, slightly
Could I ever do, what he can?

Maybe some of us are not meant to be
Smiling, laughing or simply happy
Because once The Fire sets in a soul
It doesn't stop till it burns it all

What use is happiness if it doesn't burn?
Like stars in the night, violent lessons learned
Fueled by fear, anger, hate and malice
Who the fuck would want happiness?
Every once in a while, i like one of my poems more than I like other of my poems. This one is a favorite child.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Bitter Dream

The bitter taste in mouth 
Is just a sliver of a dream
That escaped forgetfulness
Now it's a weight on my chest

Did we grow apart as I slept?
Or did we come together?
Why don't I remember?
As I chew this bitter dream

I could spit this dream and move on
By next night I'd be gone (gone, gone)
But still I sit here and moan
Even with you, all alone

So I share this bitter dream with you
A kiss of chewed, bitter destiny
My pain is now your discomfort, too
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?


A man sits on the side of the road
His head in his hands, tears in his eyes
He is not concerned with the world around him
He is just afraid of what's inside.

The beast

Sweat, the bitter stink of failure
Blood, flowing back to a dirty drain
Pain, a grin scratched in dirt
Tears, mixing with the pain

The beast

Killing all that is dead
Breathing in the dust of dreams
Swirling thoughts in his head
Silenced by the screams

The beast

When the beast looks up
Into your eyes
It knows you
Mirrors never lie

Saturday, April 20, 2013


Spinning in circles
Spinning a web
Of lies and promises
Of magic and threats

When all this falls apart
We'll pick up the pieces
Start building again
Without alternative

Going on its easy
When you're shameless
No need for a plan b
When you're blameless

Failure is just another lesson
Just another way to scream
Because the pain will never lessen
It will just crop up again

Monday, April 8, 2013

The Need for Attention.

I ask myself, is this what I was meant to do?
Every Monday is a struggle
Because we resign to our fate by Tuesday
Wednesday is a celebration because we made it to the middle of the week
Thursday is the soothing anticipation for Friday
Friday, it's almost over, the cycle of pain
On Saturday and Sunday, the days that pass by
In a blur
We drink, eat, sleep, just to forget
That there is something like excel sheets
Progress reports,
Meetings that suck the marrow of your soul

And bad coffee

Don't you dare forget the bad coffee
Because the amount of bad coffee I've drank
I could write a book about it
I don't even mind taking this poem off a tangent
To tell you how bad the coffee is

But even then I drink it every day
Because, really, the only other option
is bad tea
And that is even worse, trust me, than the bad coffee

You have to trust me when I tell you
That none of us, even the most strongest, smartest, the fastest, the funniest, the sexiest, the realest, the fakest, the modest,
Would be able to survive,
If left in a jungle island, without Wi-Fi

You can't really tell jokes to trees
If you don't get any feedback
Your crippling need for attention
Will eat you from the inside out

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Wings of Fire [ Fourth Light ]

Some kind of insistent chirping that takes a hold in my head. Like a tune I can't stop humming. A popcorn shell stuck between my teeth. An eyelash  that I can't find in my eye. The ghost a memory, that I am not sure was reality, or something I imagined so hard that it became real. 

We are all mothers, in this way. We bring things into the world, we nurture them, we care for them, we look forward to their future. But sometimes, just sometimes, mothers have to eat their young and it's always a bitter experience, even if the survival of an idea hinges on it. 

A life for a life is the trade. We become what we hate most. There can be no running away from that. If you don't remember that tune, the tune will remember you. The ideas that you eat for survival, their ghosts will haunt you. The only good thing to do with an idea is to make a kite of it and fly it high and when it reaches up to kiss the moon, let the fucking thing lose, cut the cord, let it wander into the world. 

If the idea really was yours, it will come back to you, on wings made of fire.


Read fast. In one breath, if you can.

Friday, March 15, 2013

The Synonym [ Third Light ]

Most of all the biggest slight. The deepest cut. The shameless thing. Is that they all expect you, to be excited. While I sit here and fail to understand if being excited is what it's all about. How can a person force a smile on his face when the world around him is falling apart? How can you have a hope for future, when you're simply crawling at the start? We were told it'd all get better. We were told it'd all make sense. We were filled with truth and light. And a sense of confidence. 

Now the truth is in front of our eyes and it does not look pretty at all. Like an open wound, a sore that has festered, look closer and you'll see the worms crawl. Maybe it's for the best that we give up right now. Or for the worst that we'll face the shame of the days that are yet to come. Maybe we should get this tattooed on our skin, that hope is a synonym for pain. 

Feeling pretty hopeless, because we expect stuff from others. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Bitter Ink [ Second Light ]

I chewed open a ball pen the other day. The ink spread on my fingers, my teeth, my lips and my face. Looked like I had war-painted my face for some arcane celebration. Everyone looked at me like I was insane, as I smeared the ink all over the pages, of a notebook that I bought from a homeless man who offered to mend my shoes in Sector 15. The whorls and spirals of ink on those pages, they turned into animals, birds, clouds and mountains. Like stray drops of rain, liberated from the sky, the pictures rhymed in the most brutal ways, I've ever seen. 

It left me with a bitter scowl on my ink-stained face, for I had never seen something like that happen every before. I went home and rubbed my face with vinegar, trying to rub off the imagination, but like a curse, it stuck fast. 

And now I am, all blue and black.

If you're cursed with imagination, it's your duty, your religion to infect as many as you can. I am doing it, are you?

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Coffee Machine [ First Light ]

The coffee machine sounds like an angry giant, that growls at me for waking it from its sleep. I shudder, but the cup I keep, under it, is filled with the bitter tears that I drink. I like to think of these tears as tears of regret that a beast cries when it is pulled from its natural habitat and put under artificial lights and behind bars. It misses the time of 7 PM, when the sun is just sinking under the horizon and the wind carries the smell of ghosts with it. This is the time when memories are frozen in their cubicles and dreams are shattered with the demand of another status report. All colored and highlighted in .xls format. 

The coffee machine does not care. Maybe what I mistook for tears, is just shit that it gives about the world, and Excel sheets in general.

Trying something different, this will be in some parts.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Hope Is Like

Hope is like smoking a cigarette in the rain
You try to ignite it with a thought from your brain
It sputters and spatters but never catches the flame
Time ticks away and only you are to blame

You look for someone or something to destroy
When everything around you begins to annoy
In a way that most people would not dare to think
You seek your medication in a bottle of drink

Why do you feel pain if you don't care
Why seek eternity when you won't be there
This ball of water will fall into the sun
Too bad, you'd be too dead to join in the fun

Do you see the point? Futility of it all
We are born, we suffer, we run and we crawl
Away from our problems in problems of others
Can't even blame it on fathers and mothers

The finger of blame is an inverted U
You point it at others but it's pointed at you
Your misery, confusion, the fear and the pain
It's all your fault and I'll say it again and again

Friday, March 8, 2013

The Temple

My temple is shaking
Foundation are breaking
The worms of indifference
Sickened with confidence

Above me, the vultures 
Below, alligators
They circle
They circle

Willing me to falter

A misstep
A hurdle
A mistake
A blunder

My vision is blurry
My goddess in hurry
She calls out to me
I run, not for fun
I fall to my knees
Whisper please
She's somewhere else
Ignoring me, boring me
I lie by her doors
The wait I abhor
It eats me
It beats me
To pieces
To pieces
The longer I wait
The stronger my hate
It beats me 
It eats me
From inside 
From outside
The vultures are closer
They circle
They circle
I falter
I stumble
So why won't you love me?
So why won't you love me?
I don't know.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

the walker in the lost city

I ate the rotting bread
And I walked the burning streets
Where the wind was dead
And dogs drowsed at my feet

But all my pain meant nothing
To the people who stared at me
Was I some kind of king?
Or just someone who walked funny?

I said my hellos to the old men
Who grunted their responses
Old women looked disapprovingly
As I counted all my chances

Would I get out of this place alive
Would I walk these streets forever
Would I even survive?
Would I end up dumb or clever?

In circles I walk
In puzzles I talk
With no meaning or sense
Just confidence 

Friday, March 1, 2013


In the walls
In the halls
Every breath
Hint of death

They have come for me
They took their time
As I patiently waited

They swirl around me
Why aren't you afraid? 
They ask in one voice

I say I'm afraid
I've always been afraid
Now the mask is too tight on my face
And I don't even want to take it off

They swirl around me
Then they hug me
One and all

They say I need it
My skin crawls
My bones go cold
And I am old
Old like a ghost

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Pigs In Darkness

Hear me snort
I am under your bed
Hear me exhort
Dreams from your head

You might be big
Without any fear
But I'm your pig
I'll always be here

Chewing on the dreams
Bones and the marrow
Digesting your screams
Friendly like a flying arrow

You're always there for me
I am always there for you
We'll never be free (of each other)
Cuz you're my pig, too




Wednesday, February 6, 2013

I Think Of Things

When I lie down in this void, my mind is full of thoughts

With your head nestled comfortably on my shoulder and

Your lips moving to count the beats of my heart

I think of a lot of things

As your breathing labors down while sleep takes you

I look at the ceiling and the slowly spinning fan

I listen to rain beat a rhythm on the window

And I think of a lot of things.

Your hair smells nice as ever

Your skin is warmed by my touch

Maybe you're dreaming or pretending

While I think of a lot of things

I kiss the crown of your head

Hold you closer to fend of the dread

Of the things that crawl in the dark

Of the things in void that think of us

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Crows

The crows flew around me
Sitting on my shoulders
They whispered lies in my ears
That they learned from her

Even though I know
That I can't trust the crows
Their words, I still listen
Just know what I am missing

For I learned long ago
It is not what you know
But what you don't know
You have to take it slow

Learn to read between the lines
Sift through the truth that sounds fine
You will see the cracks shine
You will see the lies align

So I tell my own lies to the crows
They take my messages to her
We play this game, back and forth
Till one of us gives up and stirs

Capture Hope

You can break down the morning
Into little pieces
Dissect it or chop it
But how would you find
The molecules that
Make up the beauty
Of a drop of dew
Spread into a million colors
With the first ray of sunlight

You can inspect the dusk
With your science and reason
With your atheism and religion
You'd still not capture
What makes the moon sing
In the memory of a lover
Who left long ago

How can you cure desire?
How can you capture hope?

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Rid The Night

Rid the night of poison
Rid it with a smile
The colors run deep
The colors run vile
When she cried for the sun
The words floated away
Riding on wings of dreams
They were never meant to stay
All the words she couldn't say
Fell to her feet
Buried in the ground
Sprouted flowers
In another season
Does there have to be
A reason?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

There Is Always More

When you think that it has ended

When you're completely sure

When you smoke the cigarette of victory

Remember, there is always more

There is no pride in pain

It hurts the brave and cowards alike

Pain is not an emotion

It's a force from outside

While we all build defenses

While we strengthen our walls

The rot clings to foundations

Eats the floors of our halls

There is more where this comes from

It's not where, it's just when

When black things climb from the darkness

To eat the hearts of brave men

And cowards too

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Distill all the noise
Into a single voice
Breathe some life into it
And set it free
Let this sound travel far
Add it to the universal chaos
Stop trying to find
Meaning in everything
These things
These beings
They just exist, to exist
Evolution is cruel
It spares no one
There isn't too much fun
Being victim of natural selection
Why strive?
Why bother?
Why to do anything at all
Just drift
Like a dead fish in a dead river

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Grudge

I chew the slivers of broken dreams
Till my teeth scrape and my gums bleed
Still I chew it hard into a mush
Still I smile as I swallow that slush

It never gets better with time
Each mouthful bitter than last
But the dog in me is relentless
It keeps chewing like a bastard

The times when it's tough to swallow
When the insides have become hollow
Only a void where something used to be
Beaten free from the desire to be free

This morning I took another mouthful of dreams
To chew all day as I sit in this chair
High on the fumes that make my eyes tear
I am not even here. 
Not even here

Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Joy Is Gone

There is an empty feeling
Where something used to be
The joy is gone
There is only void
How does it feel
To feel nothing at all
Not even dread 
That one day I'll be dead
Acceptance comes at a price
The price that is too much
I've paid it in dimes
I've paid for my crimes
Even the simple sins
Acts of laziness
Acts of bitterness
Anger and indifference
Though these faults made me human
I've paid for them all
Now I suffer alone
For all joy is gone


the struggle