don't

just don't
ask me if i'm okay
if i am angry
if i am upset
if you felt the need
to ask the question
the answer is a definite yes

but i won't say it
i won't tell you
it's too late to do so
that ship has sailed
the building burnt to ashes
the crop has turned to dust
what's fucked can't be unfucked

uh, what i actually mean to say is
what i really fucking want to say is
if after all these years
we still need to ask each other
the same stupid fucking questions?

please open your eyes and see
look up from the screen at me
why won't you look at me?
is facebook really so fucking interesting?

fine.
alright.
it's okay.
i'm okay.
i really am. okay.
i've got screens of my own
and i can drown much better in retina 

Orion

It's been ages since we met, old friend
But I'm sure you remember the time
When I used to point at you in the sky
To tell you the things I loved and hated
Then the skies greyed out
And I spent more and more time under artificial lights
Drunk on love, lust and desire
Bound by a sense of worthless duty
I forgot you
I forgot you were even there
Still looking at me
Looking out for me, maybe
As I sped through life
Reckless with a death wish
Looking ahead, always forward
Faster faster faster
Not even once did I bother
To look up

Now trapped in this jungle
Cold in the darkness
I turned my gaze to the skies
And there you were
Looking back at me
Just as always

----
Probably the easiest constellation to spot in the night sky. I hate living in light polluted cities where we are so busy that we don't even look at the sky anymore. Everyone is jacked into their fucking devices and lost in the fight for existence. You've to kill yourself every day just to stay alive. Just a reminder to myself that I should look up more.

pause

I roll my eyes to the skies

And wonder at the injustices in the world

Why are things the way they are

It makes zero sense on best days

On worst days it's like a stone in your shoe

When you've got to spend the whole day running

You take off the shoe and the stone disappears

And reappears on next step like a magic trick

It's an itch that you can't scratch

That keeps bothering you inside and out

You reach and fuck your posture up

But still there's no relief, there never is

You can't pause life, love

It moves exactly one day at a time

So you dig your toes into the sand

And enjoy the waves as much as you can

---

Where was I going with this one? I don't really know, it just poured out of me.

Gotta get better. 

Every day.

Kinda stole one line from Incubus. Kinda.

The World Engine

(Hit play, then read)

Deep in the bowels of the planet

The world engine spins

Fueled by hate, misery and paranoia

Feeding on bad decisions and sins

Metal teeth chew every thought 

Spitting out shit, burning in the heat

Under a black sun that radiates the muck

The world engine eats up all the ungiven fucks

It travels the core on treads made of skin and bones

Of sinners and winners, and ones left alone

In circles and circles the world engine goes

Celebrating a sick planet's death throes 

As the tectonic plates shift, the world engine keeps spinning

It eats through the core till there is nothing left

It cries out in horror when faced by the void

Then the world engine fucking eats itself.

----

I like this one.

I like writing poems from my laptop because it gives me more room to edit and play around with the formatting, the ones I send from my phone via email, they're more on-the-spot and raw. But hell, any port in the storm, right?

Bug

Look at this
This smear of black yellow and green
This filth stuck to this screen
It used to be a bug
And what a bug it was
With a dream in its buggy eyes
To see the world
On the other side of the screen
But as life goes
Death follows
So all we're left with
Is a smear of black yellow and green
Of all the things this bug could have been
-----
I need to medicate myself with alcohol. Now.

2 AM

They say
Nothing good happens after 2 AM
You could go out for a drive
Get in a fight
Or wrap your car around a tree
You could get robbed or stabbed or murdered out there in streets after 2 AM

After 2 AM, the cops are as dangerous as the thieves and the world in general is a rabid dog with hate in its heart and madness in its eyes

The cities are peaceful like time bombs, cancer, or someone holding dark secrets in their dark heart.

Peaceful, for now.

Like a dam slowly filling up to capacity and cracking at the foundations. A cloud pregnant with hate, ready to rain acid down on parched earth.

After 2 AM, don't walk out of your house.
Stay hidden.
The world is out to get you.
And it has new teeth and claws.
Already wet with blood of fools.

But it's 2 AM and my neighbor is
Cooking smelly eggs again
While I just rage-washed a sink load of dishes and now my hands smell of soap

Like I said,
Nothing good happens after 2 AM

Memory Overload

The message pops up multiple time a day
Memory is full, delete some stuff away
But all i have are dead apps that never stir
Each more important than the other

Ever had a gadget stained with desire?
It works fine but it's filled with fire
Could a machine have so much heart in it
Even more than one or two human units?

My memories are now made up of bits and bytes
Data coursing through my veins, sub-microscopic nanites
Always connected but still cannot play
Memory full, delete some apps away

I'm overloading and it's a beautiful way to go
Someday they'll dig me up from archives and then they'll know
What it meant to feel something in this fucking digital age
How it felt to overload with love and with rage

--------
Fighting the stupid phone that keeps telling me to delete apps.

The Irritant

A single mosquito buzzing buzzing buzzing
And you can't figure out where the fuck it is
A paper cut that stings, a cuticle torn
Or waking up in middle of night cuz of someone's snores

The one slow driver on the road
The one person who just doesn't understand
The one shit talker with all the bad jokes
And the fake laughter of ass lickers

The silence that threatens to creep in, in place of love
When you take long walks just to be away
When you talk and talk and talk and talk
But you really didn't have anything to say

The irritation is like death from a thousand cuts
It never stops, you never bleed enough
And you keep shovelling that shit in your ears
And you keep talking to silence your fears

-----
I'm so irritated these days and remembering all the things that irritate/d me.

Thin

My skin is thick
But my patience grows thin
It's so thin you can see through it
Like waxed paper, almost transparent
I'm almost on the edge
And there won't be no wings
If I fall down
No bouncing back either
It's a one way trip
Into dark lands of my mind
If I walk I'll walk alone
And leave everything behind
Because as things are now
A man can't even write a poem in peace

-----
It's fucking hilarious. All this.

Dull Days

falling into a routine
has to be
the most boring thing of all
when you miss the chaos
uncertainty
and the risk of death
every time you step out of the house

i don't even step out of the house anymore
there is nowhere that i want to go
there is nowhere that wants me to visit
i am just stuck in a loop

leaving nail marks in the skin of the drum that spins me

it's funny how when life is calm
i've started to get headaches
i've started to get sick and
whereas i once thrived in a high pressure
back stabbing
filled with bullshit to the gills
type of environment

reminds me of how some birds
don't get their wings clipped off
just get the feathers pulled
one by fucking one
till they forget the desire to fly

The Plant

I woke up and I could not even
Shake this image from my head
A plant uprooted violently from soft earth
Floating alone in silent space

Roots that reach out like arms
Towards stars and infinities
But it's doomed to orbit a single planet
Stuck in a loop till eternity

Leaves that wither and wilt and wane
Backlit by glow of a dying moon
A silhouette, spinning space debris
In this monochrome prison

Then, in the frigid merciless void
A drop of magic leaks through
Through the fabric of space and time
And a new leaf bursts out of the gloom

Hidden by the shadows and the shade
It looks at the big blue, nourished by hope
The orbit is skewed, the loop is screwed
The plant readies itself for things anew

-----
This one needs a lot of fixing. But I'm getting back into reading space sci-fi and this thought, or this image of an uprooted plant floating in space, I just could not not write about it.