I waited

The nights I waited
For your call
You were busy
Waiting for my call

A Dream In Smoke

Image Credit : http://inobscuro.com/gallery/nightmare-weaver-70/

You're just a dream

Drifting in my vision

A wraith made of smoke

Of the days I've worshiped you

I am watching you move

Transfixed

On every curve

On every shade of skin

I forgot to breathe

My heart just skipped a beat

Are you even real?

Or just a memory?

No one will ever know

No one can understand

Because you are my dream

Mine alone

Discarded Thoughts

Strewn all over the place

Are my discarded thoughts

My would've been, could've been

My haves and have nots.

My dreams and nightmares

All wrapped in silver snares

Sympathy and jealous stares

Thrown over the chairs

There is dust of failure on the floor

A drop of blood stalls the door

No one knocks on it anymore

Maybe they do, I am not sure

These discarded thoughts make so much noise

I can choose, I always have a choice

Still, in my head there is a voice

Saying these thoughts are her toys

So, I heed to the need

When she commands, I bleed

Thoughts all over her floors

My bones on her doors

-----------

One vord, vodka.

The Music

There was a hole in her soul

From which the music leaked out

Like blood from an open wound

She sat in her silence

Staring outside into

Nothingness

Waiting

For something

To make her soul jump from her body

Scream

And declare

Independence

From her self inflicted prison

She wanted to be 

Free

She wanted to dance

But the music had leaked out of her soul

Fuck The Truth

Fuck the truth

Feed me beautiful lies

Fill me up with nonsense

Till it drips from my eyes

Be uncouth

There is no sense in civility

Grab what you want

There is no point in asking for it

Flip that switch

The revolution is coming home

The maiden in the tower waits

For you to slay the dragons

Eat your pain

There is space in life for that

Warrior creed never stops

To rest, but only to reload

And punch god in her motherfucking face

--------------

Phew! That felt nice.

Slit Through This Soul

If there is something left for you to take
Please take it
If there is something left for you to break
Please break it

I cannot stand this paranoia any more
But I'm not ready to give up
I cannot demand attention any more
But I'm not ready to give up

I will hold on to this little thread
This fragile thread of hope
I will hold on till I am dead
Till I slide off this slope

And when I fall in the darkness
I will remember your face
Your eyes will slit through this soul
And I'll rest in that space

So Alien

This is so alien
How did we get here?
This is so much fun
Why do i feel this fear?

This is so insane
Are we going too fast?
It's all in my brain
Will my thoughts blast?

This is so twisted
Do you understand?
We'll get through this
Why are you holding my hand?

This is so sad
Are you happy?
I feel so, mad.
Why is your mood crappy?

There are dead monsters
Under my bed
But they still live on
All in my head

---
I think the best poetry come from confusion, because there is a need of making sense through the words. I am trying to make sense, to myself more than anyone else.

This is so alien.

Dirt

From dirt I arise

Back to dirt I will go

Not a day too soon

Not a day too late

When the time comes

To seal my fate

Stab it with a black knife

Seal that coffin shut

Set it on fire

Throw the ashes in the Nile

In the Ganges 

Sprinkle on top of Mr. Everest

Then after a thousand years or so
As nature takes its course

I will be whole again

To arise from the dirt

Be me again

-----------------

Dirt. That's us.

The Final Race

The wind rushes by me
The speed I can't ignore
Brushing shoulders with death
Keeps me from getting bored

Wind makes my eyes teary
The fear fuels my heart
It beats like a drum machine
That will tear me apart

I can only go faster
There will be no slowing down
In the face of disaster
There will be no throwing down

So if my death waits for me
I'll ask for a final race
I will win that one too
Leave exhaust fumes in death's face
---

Heh. Don't know what made me write this. But if you like to drive, and drive fast, I think you'll connect with this.

Blur

Days blur into each other

I passed this street yesterday

Change this life for another

But would I want it that way?

Stuck in this bubble

Dreaming kaleidoscopic 

What's the trouble?

I'm slightly sick

But now I'm okay

That feeling went away

Like it does everyday

Today, yesterday

I'm fine now

Somehow

Though I used

To be confused

But I'm fine now

I'm really fine

Really

Potato.

----------------

Just trying to capture the confused feeling.

Sewn

There was a wound in my heart

Sewed up so it won't fall apart

Now the scar stares at me

But it doesn't mean much, you see

I will nail the scab till it hurts

Tear the skin, till blood spurts

Pick the pieces from my nails

Because pain never fails

There is only so much pain

That you can officially take

After that its peaceful state

Either you wake or break

So, have I woken or I've broken

I do not know till now

There is only a path to walk

Which will answer me somehow

---

Ah ha, good old angst and bloody imagery.  

A Dream

There was a rainy day, once

It rained like it has never rained 

I walked that day alone

Drenched to the bone.

I saw you there

Playing with raindrops

Like a mermaid

Stranded out of a dream

Did we share a look?

Did we share a thought?

Did we share some future?

From my mind to yours?

There is nothing more I can say

Or I could say, or should say

There is just you and me now 

And there is us, that's enough

Enough for both of us.

---

Ah, love.

The Wait

Now listen
There is nothing more painful than an unsaid goodbye
It might be your turn next time
So do it. Do what you want to do.
Death will not give a warning
There will never be a second chance
To do what you were born to do
Find your calling
Pull it out
From your dreams
From your screams
Shut up
Stop complaining
Work these hands
Use your head
It's simple
When you know
That death is waiting for you
Only you.

December By The Lake

A cold evening of December

Is a day I fondly remember
With friends and a bonfire
Star studded sky to admire
When drink loosed tongues
We began to talk
Stories pored from our lungs
Some took a walk
While others sat around
Poked the fire in the ground
Told truths and lies
That filled the night
We were full of cheers
Unaware of the fears
That were yet to come
We were blissfully dumb
What a good times those were
Now only memories stir
I will always remember
The lake that December

---

It was an amazing night. The first time I drank Vodka :)

The Man In The Street

A man walked up to me in the street

He said, Sir, would you care to listen for a beat?
I am a busy man, I said, get out of my way
But the old man stood his ground any way

He begged and pleaded me to listen
While the strand of my patience grew thin
I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't move
What the hell was he trying to prove?

Alright I will listen, but better speak fast
My patience with you will not forever last
Then he spoke the words that chilled my bones
He spoke them peppered with harsh tones

He finally moved away from my way
I had heard all he had to say
I bowed my head and started to pray
My bones still cold in the month of May

Die A Little

I just want to die a little

Bite the bullet, taste the metal
Feel the warmth of fever dreams
Lose my mind in pleasing screams

I just want to feel a little
Joy so sweet, pain so bitter
Something to help me survive
Make me feel alive

I just want to love a little
Cherish loving something brittle
Knowing I'd lose it one day
But still, love it anyway

I just want to fight a little
A skirmish, war or maybe battle
Find me a name that is my own
Before I die a little, unknown

The Man Without Joy

> The man without joy is all alone
> In a dark corner of his home
> Feeling cold to the bone
> He is joyless and unknown
>
> The man without joy walks in fear
> Unsure footsteps no one can hear
> His smile has turned to a sneer
> Always distant, never near
>
> The man without joy thinks of this
> He thinks of things that he will miss
> The happiness, mirth and bliss
> The memory of a dark kiss
>
> The man without joy is no more
> Once he had doubts, now he is sure
> Only one thing in life that is pure
> Death is the friend he looked for
>

Is This A Game?

I am you

You are me
We don't know
The things we see

You make me wait
You make me hate
You make me want
To disapparate

I've carved your name
I've taken blame
For everyfucking thing
Is this a game?

If this can be
Then I can't see
If I am you
And you are me

Trees and Stuff

Red snow laden trees and stuff
Bunnies on road with tiremarks on them
There is a girl in the pond
Floating, bloated and angry

The words of prophets are written on the walls
Of my city, in my blood, with my bones
I am waiting for rapture, or a riot
With my pockets full of stones

All these men want to hug us
Into a corner and keep up there
This is my country. This is my country?
In love and war, nothing is fair

I'll take a walk around these snowed up streets
While the eyes watch and ears hear me
I know they are there, there they are
But I am too afraid to point and see

Alone

If we dream and die alone

What else can you say

About living life alone?

If nice to be in company

Till it gets too much

Suffocating your life force?

There is no power in numbers

When a man fights, he fights alone

Or walks the long road home?

There is shame in seeking peace

When chaos is all you know

Where else can you go?

---

Still trying to put my thoughts together.

Irritate Me

You fucking irritate me
Lying, backstabbing scum
Don't you dare instigate me
Cuz now we're just done
You have no mind for honor
You live without a code
Your life is stuck in a limbo
A jealous burning mode
Drown in your own devices
Of hate and angry noise
Bitch on like a housewife
You don't have a choice
This is all you can do
And this poem is my "fuck you"
Die in a ditch
Like the bitch

------------

More coming!

WE

We are the broken people

The forgotten, unloved ones

Living or just going through each day

Surviving every Monday

We are the liars and cheaters

The fat, the ugly ones

Hiding behind the masks we've created

Armor of words shielding egos we've inflated

We are the haters and trolls

The angry, the addicted ones

We never sleep, always online

Convinced as fuck, everything is fine

We are the curious non believers 

Screaming questions into the void

We have no faith, we can't trust

Our attention you better avoid

We are the lost and shameless

Blinded by ignorance and empathy

We are among you, glued to screens

Slaves to dopamine and our dying dreams

----

i miss writing poems. 

The Nothing

There is nothing that hurts
Like being ignored
There is nothing worse
Than being bored
Of everything
When the days
Are a copy
Of a copy
Of a copy
There is very little you can do
Except to keep yourself distracted
From the futility of being alive
Don't look at the truth
It's a fanged monster
Waiting to bite into your conscience
Stay ignorant
It's blissful.

---fin---

Hello Chaos

Beautiful

Noise

Killing 

Choice

Reason

Suspended

Life

Upended

Just 

Chaos

Beautiful

Chaos

The Madness

When the blue light shines in my path

And darkness kisses my ass

I will fall on the jungle floor

And eat some green green grass

Then the grass will get me high

Like an eagle, I'll float in the sky

Look down at petty mortals

Watch them squirm and die

I will not wonder about their issues

Or their pain, anger and hate

Eagle vision will reduce them to ants

Their death a nameless date

Maybe I'll dive when I see a prey

With focus, alertness and madness

I'll kill everything that I see in my path

To make some sense of this mess

---

An eagle high on drugs

Our Sins Are Many

When the sea washes my feet
To take the dirt of my sins away
I will knock to your door
To sin more and more

When the tortures of life
Take away my grin
I will think of the shit we did
And still smile at our sins

We're entwined with each other
Like grape vines and tangled strings
I will never think of another
Because only you can make me sing

So, i'll sing and i'll sing for you
I'll sing about our sins
Our many sins
Many

---

Ugggh. This one was tough!

In Love With You

There are memories strewn all over the floor
I swept them, they crawl back through the door
It all seems just like before
And I'm still madly in love with you

Now sometimes we crib and fight
I am always wrong, you're always right
When the phonecalls go deep into the night
I still madly love you

So take my heart and take my lungs
Take my mind and take my tongue
Take everything I have, if you need it
I will still madly love you

This is my devotion, my prayer, my sin
This is my hope when my hope is thin
I might be a liar, but i hope this is true
I am so madly in love with you

---

There are ups n downs in every relationship, but love will see you through them.

Insomnia

I lie awake at nights
Thinking
There is no way to stop the thoughts
There is no escape from the dreams
They chase me into the deepest
Darkest corners of my mind
They will not leave me
I will not leave them
Together
We will conquer
The world.

Just a Note

I am going to write poems here daily from now on. Till as long as I can.

Just to remind myself.

Enjoy :)

When I Listen To The Sunlight

If I close my eyes
I can still feel the warmth
Even so far away
This big fireball reaches me
Your love is my sun
Filling me with brightness
That pours from my skin
From within

--

Hidden

It's all hidden
Behind closed doors
Firewalls and passwords
In locked diaries
In locked hearts
But love will shine through
Its blinding light
Will blind you too
Just like it blinded me
But I can still see
Its beautiful
Everything.

They All Look Just Like You

It's a crowd of people

For as far as I can see

But they all look like you

To me

Its the manner in which they hold themselves

How they walk and how they talk

In the place where memories dwell

I write my name in chalk

Everyone in this strange place

They all look like you

When I look into the mirror

I am you too.

Bless Me

I bless myself everyday

Say thanks to the gods who will listen

Even thank the gods that ignore me

I don't want their attention anyway

All my focus is on you

With every step closer to you

In everything I do

I am coming for you

Wherever you are

I am reaching for you

In love or in war

The world would not stop me

I will run the fuckers through

I'd murder cute kittens and puppies

When it concerns you

And there is nothing I won't do

Even if you don't want me to

If the question is about you

I'll be the answer, true

--

2011 eh?