Things I Can't Control

Sometimes you work hard for fuck
Sometimes you get fucked for free
There is shit you can't control
And shit not controlled by me

It all gets out of hand at times
But where do I point the finger of blame?
Who takes responsibility for these crimes?
Should these voodoo dolls have names?

Even sorry doesn't cut it at times
The times when things fuck up so bad
I can be sorry a thousand times
And more than that sad

Now I sit confused in my room
Thinking of darkness and doom
Losing the will to fight...
Won't you show me some light?

I Slept Through It All

Love is like a blindfold
I touch, without seeing, I feel everything
And I can't see myself
Getting old
(Older)
Somehow not, so much bolder
As I was before
In another country
With some other girl (?)
Was it just a dream
Or a memory
If not one, then the other
Make me wonder then, love
Humor me.
If this, too, is a dream
Or a memory?

--------------

There is a stop and go method of reading poems. See if you can make this one sing in your head.

Days In Office

I come to office on a Monday
Leave every Friday
(Sometimes they call me on Saturday too)
Just Sunday is mine
Which I spend in anticipation of Monday

I've been told,
(By experts)
That there are other days
Like Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday
But I refuse to believe them
Unless they show me empirical evidence
With excel sheets and progress reports
And graphs made into pie charts
Which I will pretend to understand

Still I wonder where do Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday go.
In the boss' ass perhaps

The Silence

In a second the lights are out
No more click clacks
Sudden darkness
Silent people
Then,
From a gap in the curtains
A sliver of a dying sun
It pierces through
Illuminating the skin on my hand
I look at it
And suddenly
My eyes are full of tears
What the fuck am i doing here?
While a beautiful sun sets outside
But then the lights are on
The chatter resumes
Keyboards start clickclacking again
There are deadlines to be met
Projects reports to be delivered
Excel Sheets to be filled
I should be thrilled
But I miss the sliver of sunlight
I miss the fight
I used to fight
I miss myself
In this bright artificial light.

------------------
Office had a powercut for a minutes today. That inspired this poem.
I am writing lot of office themed poems, I don't know why, but this is what I want to write, for now.

The Keyboard :: A Poem

Were these the most precious years of my life?
That I just wasted typing 26 letters and few symbols
My fingers run like magic on this keyboard
And i forget my dad's birthday

Things went by too fast, I couldn't make them last
There is a lot that I left behind
I'm in the future, seeking rewind
What is gone, now it can't come back

It makes me sad to think
Why I wasn't thinking then
There is a lot I could have done and said
But I just typed all my anger away

The funny thing is that it doesn't hurt any more
Just a silent resignation of will and desire
What is my problem, i am not even sure
But i am looking for a spark to rekindle the fire

Then, maybe
I'll get a rocking chair
And watch the fire burn
To warm my old knees
On which I will place this keyboard
And type my old age away
----------
It's a disjointed poem. If you also earn your livelihood by mashing your fingers in a keyboard, isn't it time we did something new?

The Thief :: A Poem

Reached office few minutes early today
Someone has stolen my chair again
Makes me wonder about the people here
Do they even know the meaning of fear?

This is deeply disturbing
I don't have a chair anymore
Where will i sit when working
I am not at all sure

Maybe I should get out of this place
Go some place where no one knows me
Disappear here and never show them my face
But i've not reached that level of insanity

So I steal someone's chair and wait for a change
A change that will help me re-arrange
All that is wrong and all that is right
Get a fixed chair and end the daily fight

-----------
This feels pretty stupid once i have written but I never said that I was too smart.

A Poem Of Bitterness

Dreams of falling, dreams of flying
Dreams of fucking, dreams of crying
In some dreams i'm really happy
In some dreams i'm fucking dying

When I wake up I sometimes scream
Try to grasp the slippery tail of a dream
Hold it, explore it, dismember
Something to make me remember

The tension weights heavy on me
I can't unsee the things I see
I am just a dark shadow
Of the dude I used to be

There will be only bitterness in the end
We all will fall and fail to defend
The Tank of Death is awesomer than shit
We just can't, just can't stop it

---------
There is no word called awesomer, it is, but a synonym for tank.

The Burn

It's really simple
We all need to burn
With the fire that only we know
We need to turn, the tide

There is no other way
To find some kind of salvation
Except to light a fire
Under the ass of this nation

The nation is all of us
It is me, them and you
We need to get the fuck up
Before we realize its not true

Realize the lies
This is all a dream
Just keep alive the fire
And be ready to scream

This is war
A silent war in violent streets
Fought in minds of men
Where anger breeds

Wake up
Wake up
Wake up
Wake up

And burn.
Bright like the sun.

-----------
Our generation has no real war but our war is spiritual. Survival is our war.

Haunted

What the fuck has happened?
Warriors turned to bitches
Complaining about the wounds
That were once hailed as prizes

These scars were a gift
Now they're just ugly marks
The roars that shook the heavens
Now just biteless barks

Saddened, maddened and weak
The strong are now just meek
Waiting to inherit the earth
By default, without war

They don't even feel the shame
Of mud splattered on their name
I know why they fail to see
All of them are only me.

---------

Won't apologise if i am flooding your feed readers or blog link lists with posts. I just feel like writing today. Bear with me. Please.

The Day I Lost My Mind

Ugly ghost of anger
Will rip me apart
Feast on my rotting innards
I do not want to escape.

I always waited for this day
When i knew i'd go insane
But now that it's here
I do not want it at all

But how can i refuse?
I fucking asked for this.

I carry this bag of hate on my back
Bent, ready to be fucked over by the world
They say that they love me a lot
I don't feel it for some weird reason

I know I'm getting used
I think I deserve this

I'm searching for the trigger
What kicked off this depression
I'm searching my inner mind
For some kind of confession

But there is none, not even one
Just silence, Blessed silence
Piercing through my thoughts
Coloring them in violence

The Pit Of Hate

Stillness is a strange void
Where thoughts dare not tread
My mind is a black hole
Insiginificating everything

There is only me
Left alone in this pit
With just my hate for company
I don't need anybody

I can feel it bubble in my chest
Like a heart attack, slowing rising
I will puke out swear words
And never get done puking

Why can't i make sense anymore
I am not even unsure
The deadening certanity
To be trapped in this pit
For eternity
Till my hate kills me.
Till my hate kills me.

Who Understands?

Even after love and hate
There is a deep desire in every man
To be understood
With all his faults, failures and fuck ups
To be understood.

That's why men keep dogs as pets
Because dogs understand
Dogs don't judge
They will love you even if you murder babies
Women on the other hand...

There is no anger even
Just a vapid desire
No glowing embers
Just an aftertaste of fire
The memory of a kiss, drifting away

Thoughts, broken
Like pieces of glass
In kaleidoscopes
Making ugly shapes
Wishing for someone
Who understands.

Too Little Time

When you look at a sunset
How can you say
that there is no God.
This cannot be a work of science
There is too much entropy
Dancing in perfect harmony
With something that shouldn't even exist
(Scientifically)
There is too much magic in the world
And too much beauty
But too little time to take it all in
Too little time

This Stupid Heart Of Me

The world has disappeared
In a puff of smoke from your lips
The perfect O
You know

There is a sadness in your eyes
Sad, as watching a fish die
Don't look at me like this
Don't look at me like this

Say a prayer to the moon, a kiss
She is watching us tonight
The glowing ember of your cigarette
The burning heart of me

Can't you see?

---------------
I want to come back to what i do best. First step has been taken. Soon, we run. Expect good things.

Fuck The Darkness

Remember when you were 13
There were things you'd not seen
Life was strange, world was new
Now what the fuck happened to you?

Remember you said those awesome things
You'd face life, whatever it brings
But now you say go with the flow
You don't listen to your soul scream any more

You think the darkness is blessed
And all your thoughts are messed
You laugh sitting alone, scream its ok
While the time of your life slowly slips away

So wake up soldier wake up
Fuck this darkness, take a stand
High time you gave a fuck
About things you don't understand

-------------
This is for me. I need to do this.

Make Me A Machine

Fuck this stupid heart
This psycho body part
Make me a machine
On oil or on steam

Take this useless piece of flesh
And give me something new
This things that led to all this mess
Are connected to you

I will think of you no more
I'll get this stupid thing replaced
Get a heart-engine installed for sure
That won't lead to a waste

-------------

I can't add a fourth para, so there is a story instead. The First, on my story blog.

I Don't Know Why I am Losing Myself

No one has tried to wake me
Slept somewhere back in time
Now i sleep walk like a zombie
And everything is fine, so fine.

Oblivious to world falling apart
The words of critics don't matter
This sick rhythm is of my heart
While my body gets fatter

Sometimes i'm nudged from my dreams
I grasp and flounder in the dark
But the thread is loose in the seams
The arrow always misses the mark

So I fall back in blissful ignorance
Like a dead fish, go with the flow
Is there a chance of happiness?
I don't know, I don't know

-----------
I fall down 7 times, i bounce back 8.

There was a quote i read a long time ago, "If you can write a poem about it, you can defeat it"

I am fighting.

Recycled Nightmares X

http://www.scribd.com/doc/32281773/Recycled-Nightmares-X

This above is the link to the ebook of poems i made few years back. This is version X. Some changes. Some rearrangements. But all the goodness and the badness too.

Check it out (It's free), let me know how you like it.

Cheers!

N

Kieran : (Dark and Melancholic Poetry) by Nickolai Kinny :: A Review

(This is the first time I'm doing this, so all errors and opinions are mine, except where indicated)

Nickolai contacted me through twitter to write a review post about her book, Kieran : Dark and Melancholic Poetry. She sent me a PDF file of the book. I read it. There were things I liked in the book, specially the typography, the design and the black smudge thingie in between the poems. The poems are good. They show that she listens to a lot of rock music. I'd say Metallica, Megadeth, Radiohead, Linkin Park, The Killers, Evanescence, and some Opeth maybe. It's good to know where a poet is coming from and its fun to spot the influences. It's teenage poetry, sometimes desirous, sometimes angry, sometimes confused, but it's poetry.

The poems: The poems in the book are a mix and match of various forms. The poetess doesn't stick to a format, which is good in some poems, but sometimes jarrs the reading experience. While the title says Dark and Melancholic, the poems go pretty positive as they go. And, there are no monkeys in the poems, which is ok, but its nice to have some monkeys in poems. Here's a lil sample from "Live On"

Our spirits murdered brutally by life's barbarism
 Yet we live on to see the light of another day
             Are we not immortal?

Cool!

Right. That's about it. If this kind of stuff rocks your boat and you feel inclined to buy the book, you can do it here.

 

Death and Poetry

http://www.gotpoetry.com/News/article/sid=54038.html

Zardasht Osman, an Iraqi college student who recently wrote a satirical poem decrying Iraq's ruling party led by President Massoud Barzani, was abducted. His body was found handcuffed on a roadside four days later, after he had been shot to death.

This is just sad.

Poetry has caused revolution, i hope Osman's death sparks a revolution too. RIP.

Wanted To Rule The World

When I was 13
I had a solid ambition
I could feel it in my bones
Whenever I was alone

It burned my soul like a fire
I believed I could rule the world
And see my enemies driven before me
Their women raped and children slaved

But I had to get a job
Now I only have Monday blues
Still I have a plan
Always been that kinda man

Once I get my head in order
Which might be soon or never
I will unleash terror upon this planet
And rule the world till forever

--------
Late at night. Been more than a day since I spoke to a human being. Silence makes me want to rule the world.

Truer words...

"It is better to die from vodka than from boredom."

—	Vladimir Majakovsky

Drift Away Again

This is the silent sleep
Dreamless
Vacant
Because this is reality
Feel the smoke burning
In your lungs
Feel the words turning
On her tongue
(Forked)
Kiss the venom
Wake up
Or be asleep forever

Why don't you wake up?
Why don't you drift?
Why don't you dream?
Why don't you scream?

Why don't you give a fuck about me?
When give a fuck about you for free!
----
Picture credits :: www.jacksoneaton.com

Trigger- a collection of poems.

1. The spinning circle

Hello circle, let's spin. Repeat the cycle of bullshit. Go through the same crap again. Let the visions come true this time, a wall splattered with thoughts in my mind. Let's leave this all behind, break through the circle. That would be nice, no? But we're lazy so no go.
No go at all, just fucked up madness, makes no sense, oh let me just pull the trigger.

2. Saturday Night
It's saturday night, you're drunk again, just like last week and the week before that. But Monday will still be here. Soon.

3. well this is not going to end well. We sing the song of something wicked something cruel something that rose from the depth of the sea and left us yearning for death, destruction and paranoia. We s ing this song for darkness, and the call for blood that beasts in our breasts.we sing this song for you. Sleeping darkly like a dead child, blissful in the knowledge that the world won't wake you up...

.

Think

There will always be
A tough decision to make
A heart to break
A life to to take
A love to fake

But a man's gotta decide
When to fight and
When to hide and
When to ride
Decide to die? live?
Suicide?

Man enough?
Got the stuff?
Because it takes less courage to pull the trigger
And more to be bigger
Than life

Think.
It's difficult.
You know it.

We've Been Featured!

http://www.guidetoartschools.com/tips-and-tools/poetry-blogs

I just got an email from a gentleman by the name of Pierce who told me that my blog has been featured in top blogs at this link.

Thanks GuideToArtSchools.com.

And big thanks to everyone for reading.

I've been busy with work and life, which often troubles the creative kinds, but we shall triumph and keep writing poems :)

I'm on twitter too, spreading madness, @fubar69

Email me sometime, and i WILL reply back, in some time.

Right, off to work.

Zoom!

The Click

Hello god,

Here I am in your temple.

On my knees

And I am not smiling

Because you are holding

This thing,

This gun to my face

Telling me to kiss it

What do I do?

You're a God

The God.

So I do as you say

Then I hear

A single click

And then

The world is silent

....

....

If I talk, it will be in vowels.

---

Hey, influenced by Fight Club.

:)

Gun Love

Slide my bullet in your chamber baby
I'll shoot you to hell and back tonight
You are my love, my gun, my all
My quest for power pulsing bright

------------
Single paragraph, written in drafts on January 11, 2008.

REvolution

The little voice in my head
The one focused light of awesomeness
It's getting brighter, louder
Like a demon beating
On the walls of its cell (in my mind)
Making dents and indentions
Tattooing a song of protest in blood and bone
It will not accept submission
Or defeat
Or death
It will break free
One of these days
Today or tomorrow
Soon
What will happen then?
A change, of course.
A change to change all changes

The Simple Pleasure

There is a simple pleasure
In a touch,
A smile,
A look,
That I'll remember

Like a photograph
Clicked with mind's camera
Imprinted in my eyes
Forever

Yes, there are magical moments in life
There is a God
Even if he doesn't give a fuck about us
All the time
Sometimes he does
And those times are the simple pleasures

Be ready with your camera then,
Be ready to click.

Soul Puke

I want to kill myself
Everyday
I wear these chains
In pain
In pain
It takes balls to pull the trigger
I'll always respect Kurt for that
They can commercialize his soul
But for that one moment
He'll be my hero

What does it take to break free of
All this?
Maybe a pair of balls
Maybe two
If I don't have these
Do you?

I bite my tongue
I don't want to speak
Anymore
I just want to lie in this conformity
That has rusted my soul
And the rust pukes
Now
--------------
*stretch fingers*
Yeah, feels good to get that out.
Welcome back
Let's rock out!

Hello, been some time.

Many times, we read blog posts where the blogger apologizes to everyone for not posting becuase of a number of strange and equally amusing excuses.

I have not written here for a while, because I've been writing on my primary blog, A Story A Day . I wrote there regularly for around 22 days. Missing five days out of Feb cuz of structural problems or travel obligations, but every night that I was in my room, I wrote. The days I wasn't I wrote on paper.

Why am i telling this here. I don't know. Just freeing up my head space. I just saw that the follower number for this blog has increased. Thanks for following the blog :) i'll come up with some rhyming madness in a bit.

If you want to connect on twitter, my handle there is @fubar69. Follow me, say hi, tell me you came from Poetry and I will love you like my family member :)

Laters.

Hello Valentine

Here we are again
The 14th of February
In fun or in pain
I wish it was still January the first ;)
Why do we need to fix a day to love?
When every day is just beautiful
With you around
I hear every sound
See every color
And smell strange wonderful
Things, I never knew about
One day is too less, love
Really,
I want valentine years
---------
Gonna CC this poem to my girlfriend :)
Hope you have a kickass valentine's day!
 

This is a test

Trapped In A Chair

I am trapped in a chair
A monkey
I get paid for my life
Is there a price for life?
For time?
For youth?
How precious or useless is it?
I do not know.
I just don't.
I wait for the paycheck.
Every 5th of the month.
But I wish
Oh, how I wish.
I were in Ladakh.
But here I am
Trapped in a chair.

The Look on Your Face

So it begins,
Like it always does
There is nothing new to it
We've seen all this a million times before
The same stories, with different people
Love, anger, lust, sadness, madness
Oh please can we have something new now?
How long till the evolution ends
And we become
Angels or pigs in zen
As we were supposed to be
Weren't we?
Oh, i know that look on your face!
No one told you!
-------
Your life is happening without your knowledge, take charge, don't be dumbfounded when the moment of reckoning comes.

It Doesn't Matter

Sharp swords
Sharper words
How are you going to cut me?
Love.

Time heals
Scabs peel
You know I love the pain?
Never enough.

That look
Yes THAT!
It pierces me, in the sickest ways.
I cry sometimes.

I worship
Only you
So even if you fuck me up
No, it doesn't matter.
-----
See, I believe in a no holds barred level of devotion. Yeah, that's what I believe in but I don't expect that from anyone, but me. Expecting anything from anyone is just plain selfish and wrong. The best you can do is dedicate yourself. That's all.

I don't like it when it rains

Hello patrons of Poetry
I know you have been watching
Waiting for me to spew
New
Madness upon these pages
But I have just been busy
Doing this and doing that
In between i've not been done
(If you know what i mean)
I've just not been having fun
So let's just wait till things settle down a bit
And I swim out of this whirlpool of shit
I will rhyme again in pleasure or pain
But I don't like it when it rains

Angry Eyes :: A Poem in Free Verse

wordless
lost, alone
floating in the void
Life has become

I cannot scream

fingers splayed
mouth wide open
a silent prayer to the skies
eyes angry
at the games gods play with men

sometimes asleep, I cannot dream
my head full of memories
i can't forget
i cannot remember what I wanted to forget
so i lie fetal, in my defense
ignorant

the cold wind rakes through my bones
whipping snake tongues on my skin
to lick my soul full of sin
---------